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Monthly Archives: May 2011

Break out kings: A night in a police cell

Drum rolls ladies and gentle men,the show for your viewing today is:

Breakout-Kings.

In order to catch escaped convicts, a squad of U.S. Marshals makes a special deal with several current prisoners. If they agree to help, their sentences will be reduced by one month for each fugitive they bring in and they will be transferred to a minimum-security facility. However, if any of them should try to escape, they will all be returned to their original prisons and their sentences will be doubled.

 Second year of campo was one i vividly remember for  many reasons,be it my new mastery of cheap gins and spirits,the new crib(i had since moved out of hostels)…..well you get the picture.Now just a couple of weeks after going back to campo for the first semester i was back at it again,the random plots

My room mate one Martin aka Marto had not yet reported so my tantrums had been inhibited for lack of a right man,well a couple of days  later he got back to campo and after tongue lashing about how siku hizi hawezi tegemeka,he decided the only way to calm our nerves was to get us drunk enough to induce amnesia.

‘Nyamira’, some shady joint  off campo was the destination 20 minutes later.Being just a couple of weeks after opening,money was @ un manageable levels,am talking CBK  levels.So it was no surprise that our joint was jam packed.No seats in sight.

“Nyamira,mbili mbili kwa hapa nje”,and by mbili he meant two bottles of frothy delight EABL style.

“Oya,marto barley ime isha,labda president”-right there is where i should have said no and walked back to campo but since he was buying,” mwambie alete,kwanza ni how much?”  “50 bob!”

yes good people,finje tu!

Now i didn’t require Calculus to do the math…500 bob would buy me 10 bottles,I should have known 10 is like a death wish…..a coupe of hours later,several trips to the loo,the occasional tot of viceroy and 9 bootles down,the urge was irrefutable!, lazima ningeenda tao.

So me,Marto and my 10 th bottle board a matatu to town,I close my eys and what seems like a minute later I was in tao.

“jaymo amka!Ama ume chew black out? ”

“Boss hizi vitu zako zime ni beba na vile nilikuwa nazitharau.Uko sure ziko legal?” I retorted to Marto

“wacha ufala unasema wewe! mimi ata sion poa “….paid the conductor and we were on our way.

Know if u read the Bible you will recall a verse talking about how a blind man cannot lead another. Well we were obviously in violation of scripture because Iwas leading Marto to God knows where! The confidence ii was exhibiting was remarkable,the next thing i remember was this undying need to sit down having walked for what seemed as eternity.

“tuketi nje ya club angalau” i told Marto

“Aya basi kaka”

That was a bad idea but i was to find out the hard way,Nje ya club Jaymo and marto sat,actually dozed off.Next thing was….a deep kalenjin accent.

“Vichana nyinyi ndio mungiki mna iba watu? Wapi ID?”  “Sina iliibwa jana”

” basi ingia kwa mariamu Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2011 in Humour, MEMORIES.

 

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one tree hill:Evolution of JKUAT chics.

opening hook:

One_Tree_Hill

one tree hill is a story of a couple of high school teens and we follow them through their freshman year,sophmore,junior,senior and their young adult life.In which course  we observe individual evolution.

well just like i always do,let the juxtaposition begin:

first year of campus.

good girl

The girls are at their most naïve, of course, in spite of themselves thinking very wise. They have all kinds of  values set, what they want t accomplished, high standards.They must be smart, well dressed, kind, polite, a Christian, hard worker, non-drinker, non-smoker, this list could go on and on.Classes are attended on time,cats are never dabbed,assignments never ‘photocopied’…..this list can go on like a roll of tissue so ill stop there,u get the picture.

Boys are the last thing running 0n their  naïve minds,but this in no way deters the fellas from ‘ponyokaing ‘ with them,over the years strategies have put in place and ponyokaing with one,so before the poor fresha can say ‘black ice’,the jamma will have pitiad her and gone to the next one.Her dreams of getting married to Mr.Right will go up in Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2011 in Humour, MEMORIES.

 

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Prison Break: The Hague 6 Episode.

Allow me to re blog a post by Raymond Chepkwony:The series for this post

prison break

The TV series Prison Break goes a little bit like this… Michael Scoffield gets himself arrested. He does this, to try break his brother Lincoln out of Fox river prison. As the series goes on, Michael Scoffield finds it difficult to work alone and so he gets help-some of it un warranted- to help break his brother out. An F.B.I agent is hot on their heels along with the prison warder. That’s the brief…

Scoffield Kenyatta

A member of Kenya’s elite society. His friend has been arrested and is at Central Police station. He conjures up a plan to burst his good friend and brother out.

Lincoln Rutto

He claims it’s a government conspiracy out to finish him. His only hope for freedom lies outside the scope of justice. The odds are stacked against him. He knows that this is the end of the road. He pleads innocence. Lucky for him, he knows he has a brother and a friend, he knows he can always count on Scoffield Kenyatta!

T-Bag Kosgay

He has a list of accusations against him longer than a roll of toilet paper. He has been out the run for years. This time, the long arm of the law seems to have caught up with him. His only hope of getting out of Central Cop station, is by clinging on to Scoffield and Link… His accent and look make him a very distinct character. He has never stood on his own two feet. He always leans on someone… and often bends over and why does he do all that? Oh well.. is KOS he’s GAY!

Sucre Muthaura

Soft spoken. He was framed for a crime he did not commit. His only crime, was that of passion and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He is at Central police station and many believe he has been falsely accussed. He was set-up. Those that set him up, are roaming free. Will Sucre Muthaura squeal? Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2011 in Humour

 

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