This post is inspired by college and can be confirmed by history….any resemblance with actual events is therefore purely intentional and those mentioned should contact me for compensation…..frothy compensation that is,Ruaraka style.That being said…allow me to point out today’s series
Blue mountain state:
If you are in collage and haven’t watched this then am guessing you either blind(no pun intended) or a member of those weird cults preaching dooms day to anyone with an ear to lend.If however you are post or pre college then allow me to delve into a slight synopsis of the above:
The series Blue Mountain State is about a fictional college and its fictional football team “The Goats”. It covers topics of college life, including football, sex, drinking binges, drugs, wild partying, and hazing.
The plot being set allow me to begin my post,and assure you this is going to be a controversial one so for the faint hearted just click here to leave this page:
Here is a list of dont’s i will post the do’s tommorow
Dont mix weed and Alcohol
Anyone who has done weed will agree its the next best thing to extacy,its gets you in the zone,into an animated state of being.Weed is the only drug i know that just hits the spot,makes you just drift
Alcohol is just that,alcohol,be it shots of god knows what,bottles of frothy indulgence or sips of lethal poison,alcohol just knows how to make it all worth it,add to that a drunk mama and you are assured of a lay
Here is where the problem comes along:Mixing:despite what Katt Williams says on pimpin pimpin,snoop on kush(and basically every other song) or your dope dealler tells you this two things do not go along,Take it from me,weed and booze will fack you up vibaya,so much so that a ditch will be your un lit(french for bed)
Dont get attached to your funga
It happens all the time,boy meets girl,or girl meets boy,they funga(or fungwad for that matter).Then feelings creep up!!!
Like wtf are you doing getting emotionally attached to your clande???Then to make matters worse you keep following her/him like a love sick puppy,then the other party snobs you blatantly,you get all desperate,you spend time calling texting,your calls never get answered,your texts replied,The ringtone associated with your number is probably Mariah Carey’s Obssesed.Ukifika hapo boss,jua ni kubaya…..my advice look for a balcony and land head first-Wanjiru style(pun intended)
Start a relationship
I don’t get it,seriously i don’t,why would anyone decide to settle in the first year of college,you find a chic/jamma and you hormones drive you crazy,you shag,then for god knows what reason you decide its going to be eternal,i use the word eternal here to pot ray the seriousness of this matter.Then to make matters worse you start walking around in campus holding hands,completing each others sentences and that kind of shyt(someone get me a piuk bucket-i fell nauseous).Its all dandy and Rossy if you do this shyt on your own but what really drives me crazy is when this fake ass couples start delving advice”aiii jaymo,si uwache story mob,utafute dame utulie”.dude if you in campo here is my advice,do it big,shag and dont settle,trust me ask anyone married for 5 years and they will tell you if time could be reversed……then again if you are the Weeding show/Samantha Bridal type sucks to be you.
To make matters worse if you in a r/ship and you aint getting any coz you are saving yourself for marriage my advice:Its like saying you don’t want to shit in a dirty toilet and decide to hold it till you find one that fits your profile of ‘appropriate’ at the end of the day you are still gon shyt,haijalishi choo ni gani 🙂
Dont get caught
Where do i begin with not getting caught. if you are in a relationship(for lack of something better to do with your campus life) and decide to get yourself a mpango wa kando,make sure you are ten steps ahead of your significant other,make sure they never suspect,since this blog is not dedicated to this concept am not going to explain how not to…wewe jisort tu!!!
If its an exam you haven’t studied for and you can’t come up with an excuse for not taking it an copying/using a mwax is the only redemption for your poor soul then make sure you don’t get caught,ask anyone who has been caught dubbing an exam….it feels bad getting you ass grilled before a panel
If you do drugs of any kind(though i wouldn’t advice you to) don’t get caught.if its poppin ex,smoking a joint or just drinking at odd hours don’t get caught.
Dont play a sport
This one is from personal experience.Dont play soccer,be the guy who disses the players….be the guy who always comments how the game should have been played.Dont play rugby,its always fun to get drunk in a rugby game. That way you can take advantage of the other drunk people.If you dont believe me you go watch 15s this weekend and tell me who has more fun…..the drunk,horny spectators or sweaty guys on the field
Of course kuna watu wata ongezea”Jaymo what about BMS??si hao players hu spoil”My answer to this would be if the team you want to play for while in college has a dedicated set of cheer leaders with silicone modified boobs and a coch with a big ass crib then play,play your heart out,while you at it get an injury or two,the insurance ought to compensate you handsomely.But if your team doesnt fit this profile……don’t play
Dont forget to use a rubber
This one was inspired by true events.Alot has been said about the c word so let me also give my opinion:If you shag a clande and dont use a rubber here is what could happen
1.You could get an STD not curable by penicilin and some antibiotics
2.You could give them an STD not curable by penicilin or some antibiotics
If you shagging your significant other:
1.you could end up being mama nanii au baba nanii
2.You could get an STD not curable by penicilin and some antibiotics
3.You could give them an STD not curable by penicilin or some antibiotics.
That being said feel free to comment to this post in any way you feel will benefit the readers