Naxs Babie!!! yes folks,i was in Nakuru for the last 2 days,ok maybe 1 day and a half…but bwoy was it fun…so allow me to narrate my naxs experience,i will add an ounce of creativity on this post by framing it as a letter,a letter to my boy Prankster aka Marto,who decided to deactivate his facebook account and loose his phone so that I cant derail him no more(f*** you for that son)..so here goes
I begin with an insult, just like I always do ,wewe ni mbwa sana,story ya kukataa kwenda Lewa ilinibore adding insult to injury uka go a notch higher by missing out on Naxs .Any who i know you had your reasons, jobo maybe so wacha nikushow what cut.
So me, Bob aka Emanu and RitchieRich, endad naxs for Nelson’s pass out. You remember Nelson, my boy from FTC Para Military, am guesn emanu and ritchierich be strangers,but ni maboy flani wa me I.Fikad naxs kitu 3 pm hivi and yes you can guess what I did first,called Ka binti (readers may remember her from this post)
“Sap chic, am in Nakuru, where you at”…She was kind of busy so acquaintance was promised on the next day. Great. Next call the man of the day
“Buda,IZ how,ndo nimefika..sioni ka ntafika FTC Lanet,si we can hook up in tao,do some frothy reunion?”
“sawa boss nikifika tao nta ku halla”.So me and the boys decide to hit some local, down a couple to pass tyme, RitchieRich decides to halla @mavo his boy Interning in Nakuru ,am thinking the more the merry. So I also halla @bigwill, we all hook up nje ya tuskys. Am starved, need to get me some food.
So @ marvo pelekas us to some joint, bigwill being from naxs is suprised we know the ka mjoint..allow me to indulge you I cant remember the joints name, but here is what I will neva sahau, they serve the best chicken-cheapest rather- I have ever eaten this side of the Rift valley, and at what price…120, for a big ass piece of chicken breast. Add 10 bob to that amount (ka ugali) and you got youself a hearty meal…compliments to the chef!! I received the bill with shock
I kula ile ya njaa,then it hits me cheap kuku+nakuru=flamingo scare….so I ita the waiter, evidently in awe.
“oya boss,hii nyama vile ni mingi hivi uko sure ni ya kuku au ni flamingo??” I could have sworn i saw a hint of pink on the meat “ni kuku,za huku ni kubwa hivi,hatuwezi uza flamingo”.everyone is looking at me @emanu @willi@ritchie@mavo. So i decide to kill the storo and eat in peace…Willi has to rash back to work so we excuse him.
Next stop El Locale…
Bar Tender @El Locale
Its not the name of the club, i just nicknamed it that..its not Mututho tyme yet so we are let in incognito,chini ya maji yaani (I hope the pow pow aint reading this).Am a tusker fan,so me orders some froth and head to some fancy couch at the end..1-2-3-4 bottles later,am now psyched energizer bunny aint got nathing on me ,kina ritchie are doing shots at the counter…naaa not my style…5-6 bottles…some naxs mamas walk in…naa not my style either.Mavo walks in,he has just brought some chic also here for the pass out…
I didn’t get her name but forgetting her is hard..she had this long dreadlocks,the swag of a college kid and the demeanor of a peddler(pun intended).I head to the counter,exchange pleasantries,one or two jokes to kill the tension..we do shots with lime,much to my cringe..am guessing she felt comfortable to ask me this
“do you smoke ****” I couldn’t get what she was saying clearly,the music muffled her speech”Nauliza,do you smoke WEED??” I got that loud and clear..i turn towards her,spliff in hand,In reply “Used to,but av since quit…” “pussy” she snaps at me,leaves the elLocale with the rest..back in 20mins singing redeption song like freed slaves.
Marvo and miss locks
The time 8.45pm,the mood exstatic,the crowd rowdy….the phone rings,caller ID Nelson..”mko wapi,me niko barclays,come pick me” I look @emmanu,ame chew kwa counter-(@ emmanu,najua utakataa,but najua ulikuwa umechew).So me and ritchie go pick up Nelson from Barclays
Emotional reunion,I swear i culda cried,the millitary has made him skiny,but he aint complaining,so why should i?Back to the ride,El Locale here we are….
Shouts,screams and name calling later we decide to go to Taidys..i here it happens there,plus our kamjoint is getting rather claustrophobic if you get my drift.More boti’s of froth,ka vicerory on the side.Stories are being exchanged,threats issued to emmanu for being the chew master he is (I here at law school they call him CMB-chew master bob).He chews none the less,we leave him at the balcony to sober up…while the big boys drink on…
He sobers at around 2am..and they decide to tour the streets of Naxs—–major mistake——
The call:”buda,tuko cell,tumeshikwa” Caller ID:Ritchie, i laugh it off,drunk bastards I assume,Second call “huamini,tumeshikwa,ni kunoma”.Its past 3am,i conclude if there is anything i can do it will have to wait till morning…(Me and the OCS aint fam na hatujuani).3.30 am they stager back in.
The almighty must really love this boys coz here they are,its like they had a monopoly ‘get out of jail card’…They narrate the ordeal,we shrag it off,after all they safe,right?
Froth is in abudance…Taidys is closing..off to the next joint…we gully creep our way out in stealth,the pow pow maybe larking around..try silencing around 20 guys,all high as fack,major nyef nyef i tells you.
Me,Nelson,Emmanu and Ritchie head to some joint called ribbons..do kidogo froth and call it a nyt.Board at some cheap ass place….
7.00am Nelson wakes me up,he has to report to gilgil,he has been stationed there before his pass..so he leaves…i see him off.back in like 20 mins thats when i realize Ritchie slept on the floor.. I laugh it off and offer him a bed..
RitchieRich asleep on the floor
8.30,we are woken up,its not room service,this aint the Hilton,its the cleaning guy
“Tokeni,masaa yenu imeisha,toka toka!!!!”I Manage a quick shower,slip on my converse and walk down stairs,the i see this funny sign..and decide it qualifys as a Kodak moment
black forest 40 uji 30
I call up my lil lady(@ka binti),and kumbusha her av nt left,we head to the Kuku ya 120 joint,i do pilau and chicken..am hungry,i guess booze does that to one.Ritchie gets an Eureka moment,he wants to toa locks with a couple shots of Vice.I decline the offer,in my defence am hooking up with Ka Binti and she doesnt like me drunk(am a sucka like that i know)
She calls at around 10,we hook up for breako at Maigos(she does rather,am stuffed) we Exchange stories about this and that,programing at Finlay’s,how the fellas were nicked by the cops…She thinks i have cwazy friends…we both take our turn at dissing marto for his particular absence…
She looks great,cant help but oogle,she notices,blushes at my compliments…bob and ritchie are not amused by my Romeo an juliet shyt..They insist on going home, am faused to agree…raundi mwenda tao later we head off.
Naxs in the rear view mirror, ukooflani playing….I bead my goodbyes…And call it a rave.
So prankster, that’s what you missed, at least I filled you in on what transpired, now you know what you missed out on.
In sobriety and froth,