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Google Interview:

04 Aug

Before we go ahead,this is not a post about the Infamous Google interview,neither is it about me being called for one,rather its about the latest craze…applying for an x or y position at Google.

Its got techies shitting in their pants”umeskia flani wa flani ameitwa interview na Google”,Then you start developing a fever or a mild rash…reality hits you that you are still stuck in your shitty job,doing crap you don’t even like for little or no pay at all,while flani wa flani may end up at Google….

My take on the whole thing:Its a load of boo-lox,seriously plain old Boo-lox

“Jaymo wacha machungu,sasa ju hujawai itwa ata moja ndo unakuwa sour grape?” quite the contray….allow me to expound:

Here is what happens most of the time:You fall in love with computers at a  young age,along the way you enroll to some college/campus and take up a certain field in computing…first semester you ace your C exams,uv even coded a program that allows tweeps to pay theoretically check their bank account balance<lame>

2nd year hapo you can read source code like you are  deciphering Egyptian hieroglyphics,you develop a following in college

“Waaa, hujaskia vile flani wa flani ameiva code,naskia mpaka anataka kutoa Linux Distro yake” <as if>….You are good,exam zote una ace…kidogo ufanywe rep wa comp lab <some even do>ju half the time kama you are not at some hot spot in colle sourcing for wi-fi then uko huko,ka ethernet

Data structures and algorithms,uli ace mbaya,mpaka ma lecturer wana shuku una copy ju ulipata *cram* kila kitu…transcript ina Alphabet moja A….toka 1st year mpaka saa hii.

Kidogo kidogo una anza kuenda *ihub,una kuwa mabeste na macoder,unaskia ma idea zao,you take a glance at this and that source code,unafunzwa ku code behind an API<na unajiskia Linus trovalds flani> some times if you are lucky the ask you something,una rudi home ume steady ju vile umebambika.

Next sem,wasee hawawezi kushow any,wewe ndo kusema…On most nights you get laid ka twice hivi,ma groupie wako ni wengi excess…ukienda mess unaona wasee waki point

“Ni ule msee nilikuwa nakushow,ule coder mwendaaa”…

Ka 4th year project una ace,then along the road someone tells you about Google…kidogo unjoti….Una froth kiasi una anza kuona ma halusinations za wewe na Larry Page mkikunywa exotic coffee pamoja,discussing the next big project ya Google.

Mara hiyo hiyo,ka CV kanaundwa,kana uploadiwa kwa repository yao…fingers crossed una omba waku call.

Couple of days,your ka phone rings….weird number…you pick…its Google…they ask one or two things,thank you for your interest,and an Interview date is set….

Nyga,hushikiki..unaenda home<ata  hupandi mat,leo ni cab>,unashow significant other(s) wako…mpaka una mangana dry<kwani ata ukipata/peana ball Google itakuwa ina ku pay vipoa,no biggie>…una download tu ebooks twako,algorithms una anza…..heap-sort, merge-sort, Dijkstra’s Algorithm, TSP, Graphs etc, una polish up.

Una polish languages,ka C,C++,ka python,java….uko set…..siku ina fika,simu ina lia,una do your thing….buda yaani una spit code ka holy scripture….Uko sure uko ndani….

A couple of days later,Interview 2,sasa ni ku fyam,unaset up Google docs,una ambiwa u code……!!!!!!!Lights out for you Nyga…the moment of reconing…HUWEZI DO SHYT….kumbe uv been a dud,a copy paster,a script Kiddie..just keyboarding……Google can smell fake a mile away….

Unarudi home…izaa buda,dame wako haja Roll this month,uko facked,utalea mtoto,na Google haitakusaidia <labda kuchagua jina>

Naskia umehamia bing,G just facked you up.

That’s why if I get anyone else telling me to apply,amo stab someone….dont get me wrong am not throwing subliminal blows at anyone…Its just how it happens,najua kuna watu zaidi 7 wameapply and failed to get in…and they all exhibit the above traits<save for the kumangana dry>Hiyo ni chuki tu yangu

If you ask me,kwanza anzia mahali,get experience in a certain field,create a niche for your self,usijisell na transcripts..let your work<proofs of concept> sell you,Code vismart kwanza…

It’s one thing to be able to code to an API or install an OS from a CD. But, to really understand, on a system level, everything that’s happening in the background to make all the “magic” possible is a different level altogether.Its one thing to code on your own for nearly a month on a project you think will get you that break,but its another thing to code under the pressure of deadlines,coding where uki mess una fack up watu wengi

Uki code vibaya,alafu I go online and serch for my usual exotic asian porn,alafu iniletee Midget porn,huoni hapo umeni screw???To avoide that learn kwanza,do the dirty work/code…I said code….si read and cram code…

Ndo enyewe the next time its Google looking for you and not vive varsa

If i offended any readers,izaa someone had to say it…if una ball ya msee alikushow ameitwa interview Google,lea…lakini mwambie a re strategise…

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4 Comments

Posted by on August 4, 2011 in 254, code, INTERNSHIP, Reflections, true stories

 

Tags: , , , ,

4 responses to “Google Interview:

  1. ictumwet

    August 5, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Hey, apply to Google *hides* 🙂

     
  2. akajaymo

    August 5, 2011 at 11:26 am

    *cocking gun*…uko wapi!!!! *frantically searching*…no more Google Interviews..naendelea na code kwanza….ma interview ni vision 2030

     
  3. NuttyTN

    August 9, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    hehehe…This is an especially funny read for me since am a Comp Science graduate. (6 years and counting though) and went through YOUR hating phase.:D

     
    • akajaymo

      August 10, 2011 at 5:10 am

      Its not a hating phase,its a revolution of sorts…Half the guys on the G interview cant code if their life depended on it,na bado wanadai job Google…a bratha has to vent somehow,why not use this blog

       

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