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Monthly Archives: January 2012

Listen up all yee non coding Believers.

OK fine, hii mwaka inaonekana si mbaya, code wise actually… si ati am saying i haven’t gotten any runtime errors or fatal warnings, kwanza jana i had buffer overflows zingine crazy…but just generally. I feel my coding has kinda matured. Let me paint a picture for you: In first year while doing Calculus 2 I had this lecture who was  quite un orthodox, after he had finished teaching all 5 methods of integration he introduced a 6th one :Integration by looking at, this is what he said… in math there comes a time when you just look at a function and figure out how its integrated. This seemed quite the academic fit for my then young mind but a couple of Calculus and ODE lessons later i had gained the mastery, the mastery to stand up to smothing like PDE and not fall into fits of shock….

Back to the present,well code is no different from that integration class of mine, once upon a time you are doing hello world code… then taking baby steps to understand how the core functions work… till you get to a place where you have amassed  code skills and a library that you have created, that you understand and that you apply often in you coding  endevours. You reach a place where you look at code and know whats happening,how to optimize to reduce consumption on vital resources and most importantly how an exploit would be carried out if need to  ever arose and how to prevent said exploit.

Then you grow up a network of people who think,talk and pretty much have obsession for code like you.Anonymous and lulz sec  did IRC but us mere mortals just hang out on twitter or the *ihub,or at whatever place has good wi fi connection and just kick it. People start associating you with certain terms, just as you would idenfiy a guy like Alykhan Satchu with  IPO people now identify with PHP,JSP,java… that kinda thing.

your ka blog is  now getting kitu 320 hits a day with readers showing interst hapa na pale,you are being followed by a sizable number of people pia on twitter…At least wasee wanakuelewa…….. till one day someone has the BALLS to ask a dumb question like “Jaymo kama wewe ni mnoma Android mbona hukushinda Afrinolly last year kwa Google challenge,mbona hukushinda MsemaKweli last year kwa App circus….” the same guy goes on to rant “…. what do you have to show for all that code talk?”

Well hapo ndipo the Merian blood in me starts boiling up and i may decide to go all wordy on you and probably give you   abit of tongue whoop ass. But to what avail… to have you read it back from what ever location you are and you would be like”silikuambia…” Hell no Jaymo is bigger than that.

I have great  mentors in my coding life,mentors who will tell you that as soon as you make that prize money, hed to coasto and do tequilla on the white sand, you will be digging a coding grave for yourself because some kid will be on his HP coding while you sucking tities in lambada….is that the reason why i dont do coding competitions, well not exactly, id rather do a whole week of coding for a client, present excellent workmanship after its all said and done… watch the client awe in amazment, that look of gratitude in his face is orgasmic… then walk away with say X amount, knowing that the client will most likely give me a referal to someone else and someone else,na polepole jaymo ata pata dough.. than just winning a compe, getting the media and online coverage that will see you think umefika, ukuwe relaxed, pole pole ukuwe lazy. then mwisho mwisho you  fall out.

Personally id rather put in work on an idea i feel will earn me long term mulla than short term fame, a project that will change and impact the lives of people than an app that will probably not even make it to the mainstream market.Kenya is currently ripe.. Gava imeanza kufanya kazi, Bitange Ndemo is doing his thing,mpaka telecos flani hapo imeacha utiaji na ina allow coders to do their thing uliza Iddsalim…

What am trying to say is i got my thing going on… i don’t wake up in the morning and start typing lines of code for nothing…natafuta hella mwanangu and the best way i know how to is the one am currently doing… so coding fests in 2012 are a huge NO but ukiskia client anadai coding work halla at you boy.

 

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2012 in code, JKUAT, Reflections, true stories, twitter

 

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Things to do in 2012.

so every one comes up  with a bucket list of things to do in a new year sijui you want to get saved or you want to save some endangered species in the amazon or plant trees in the mau… well my bucket list is rather….well…. rather  Jaymo. Any reader of this blog will attest  to my over indulgence in that which I call froth, the same readers will also attest for my deep love for code, but i promise to tone down on the froth this year, after several muggings in 2011. But for real though 2012 is the last year i have in college{dont even think am gon do an MSC}

so for 2012 this is  what i want to do

1.)Get a Muturi call

Yes we all heard that call “….aki muturi ku** inawaka moto….” yes boys and girls i want me a call like that, where she begs me to come rock her world like the flintstones and then i give her a lame  exuse like “aki babie si unajua na code, niko na project flani nafanyia client na siwezi kuja….” and then she will go like “.. aki jaymo ntakulipia taxi,atakama unataka meli ntalipa….” all this while the phone is on speaker and the crew is LOLing like they just smoked a spliff. Any way you get the picture

2.)Ship marto to some weird tao when he is passed out

This is not exactly me being all creative, i borrowed it from shameless, if you dont know what shameless is click here>> well in the series the old man passes out after indulging in froth and finds his ass in canada, yes he is shipped from states to canada. And that is what i plan on doing to one Marto this year. You have been warned

3.) Go to a Jew wedding 

Jaymo wacha utiaji wtf you talking about ati a jew what???? Niko serious btw, av always wanted to those guys just rock, they exchange vows, break glass, then lift the bride and groom on a chair. like seriously, sasa imagyn niko maji alafu  mimetokelezea kwa weeding kaa hiyo #winning

Av always wanted to lift someone on a chair,so a jew weedding it is for me, ju ya hiyo story i should start hanging around  their synagogues in tao, so mkiniona you know what am up to

4.)Blog more often.

I pulled a sebatical last year and abstained from written words,am not going to lie and tell you i went to the bahamas to discover myself, heck i was in kenya, doing nothing out of the ordinary, jaming to campmulla while dissing em football fans. so this year amo stop all that, and promise not to blog about Kabinti…..as much

5.)Code,code,code,code

Yes how can i forget about code, hii raundi am going HAM on yall, so wasee wa ruby jua your bwoy be coming through in 2012, i once heard a coder say that if java is a pair of scissors then ruby is a chainsaw, basi ju ya hiyo story si php itakuwa a pair on nun-chucks???? I want to have the honor of coding with someone like mohammed ahmed maaway,or debug code for eyedol. yes you bwoy be going HAM… listen to a coder like Linda Kamau talk about the code while thinking of banging a female coder like mariegithinji... yes code lazima iendele.

 
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Posted by on January 16, 2012 in 254, campo, code, Humour, JKUAT, Reflections, twitter

 

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Before I forget.

She looked at me with genuine interest and told me “Jaymo wewe una shida, you are a drinker with a coding problem”… so obviously am shocked, coz am expecting the opposite, i mean a coder with a drinking problem, but she went on “Siku gani hujawai lewa ukatae kunipatia story za code, this and that… sijui vile source code yako unaeza obfusicate na haiwezi someka…. dude in short am tired”….. yes a bratha was getting his Ass dumped for being inloved with his bottle of froth and that laptop  he calls lillian than being in love  with her……

Yes good people this is the first meaningfull post of 2012 and am listing all the crap that struck me in 2011 starting with the  one above. 2011 was a great year by any  standard, but it was equally frustrating so allow me to indulge you with my 3 worst events of 2011.

1.)Cougar Clande

Dont look at me like am some sort of perv, kama you neva had yourself a cougar clande then i suggest you  get yourself one, kwanza a monied one, ki Mbugua style. so your boy akaJaymo had himself a cougar clande, all was roosy at first, i mean she gave i received and i gave and she received {you  get the picture} but things took a rather dramatic turn after  my first sem ended, she got all possesive and shyt, getting all jealous of my girl Jean Grey, the fore mentioned cougar clande went to caosto for the new year and then came back to dump a bratha, imagyn a bratha being dumped coz he chats with Jean…..

Here is what the clande should have known: i spend most of my time either on twitter,unlimited text, or coding…. none of which anaweza hack{the texts pia} so why the fack you  getting all insane coz akajaymo wants to get some loving from a more 21st century member of the opposite sex???? ukipata jibu unaeza nipigia simu 0722***080

2.)Grand Theft Liquour

Last sem saw me  relieved of my wallet, cash, phone and house keys in one session. I swear the guys who saw  me that morning will admit i looked like a total wreck. dude you ever watched that scene from hangover 2 where they wake up all disoriented with no idea where they are? yap that was me, bila fare bila shyt!!! but i was high as fack, nakwambia ningekuwa sober ingekuwa a whole different thing…any way shyt happens ryt?

3.)The crew 

the crew is the best  thing in 2011 and still the worst  thing!!!! there is so much to talk about the crew that i think amo dedicate a whole post for em. But the worst thing in 2011 courtesy of marto,pato,eddie,JB,brayo,julius,mash na hao wengine wanao jijua ni ku throw a bash with two goats,mtungi ya keg na saa hizo ni wasee 11 pekee, suicide i tell you, how that bash ended up from being all fun to wasee wakipigana na wengine wakifunguliana roho… waaa boss that must have been the shortest bash from 2pm -7pm  no comment naachia hapo

So 2012 we doing it all again, drinking, coding, the may hem, the drama!!!!!!

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2012 in 254, campo, Humour

 

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Windows vs Mac vs Linux

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2012 in 254, Humour

 
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the Inbox I wish I had.

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2012 in campo, Humour