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Type of Code Clients I have met

05 Apr

So someone accused me of only writing about code this and code that, nimaka unaweza peleka Code Nakumatt upatiwe shopping au Butchery ya Kamau akukatie ka Nyama Nusu…of course not, there has to  be business involved or in the words of Uhuru Kenyatta, willing buyer willing seller…so today I will just talk a little bit about the two types of willing buyers I know/ have had the experience of working for.

I have been taught by time and of course by more seasoned business men to divide clients into two broad yet true categories: Clande/chips funga and Girlfriend/wifey

1.Clande/chips Client.

film_pick_up_line_801085

The name speaks for itself, this type is the tap and go…No strings attached no Numbers no natsing. Usually this is my best type of client since everyone goes home happy. A clande Client knows point blank what they want, and how they want it. They are straight forward, utapatiwa spec doc yako,depo na time line. Utafanya Kazi, ukimaliza UAT kiasi. bass…the story ends there final Installment paid and you both go home happy. In the event hamskizani, you both have the luxury of walking away since you just met and nothing has been invested yet in between the two of you.

The Good thing about this type of client is just like a clande kwa bar uko guaranteed not to sleep hungry . Its cash at hand so you are happy,your landlord is happy and even the real Clandes are happy. Moving along

2.Girlfriend/wifey Client

art-cartoon-couple-cute-drawing-heart-Favim.com-48970

Sasa huyu ni ule wa long term…yaani in other words ata sio Strings attached ni more like ropes.This is the worst client ever. Let me explain using the analogy of a real world Girlfriend. You meet a hot mama, someone you think is a keeper…unaanza courtship. if you take that leap of faith you should know you will be in it for the long haul,during which anaweza amua hakuvunjii (utaka nja baba)…the only thing you get are hugs and smonches…you will have to be there for her 24/7(kama customer care)..handling all her Hormonal maneno and stuff……you get the picture.

Back to the client, you meet a big client <usually some corporate or Gov deal> una strike ka deal nao ,depo labda 30% unapatiwa kazi inaanza….1 month in system changes zimeanza,sijui integration na system flani wanatumia,2 month HR wanataka module yao…una call meeting…”hii haikuwa kwa spec doc…bla bla bla” wanakuangalia “How much more will it cost us” una peana figure…na ju uko na Njaa 20% unapewa,una endelea na code…3 months later huna rent,dame yako ana kuagalianga asubuhi ana skia Nausea ju huna any..zako ni “Ngoja niko karibu kulipwa” …they drag payment…na the day they actually give you your loot ni Friday Jioni na ni cheque ita take 3 days ku mature kwa hivyo tuseme next week Thursday ndo utakuwa monied. DAFAQ

All the while hiyo monday next wana kuambia you drive to their place to sort some stuff out, nikama walikupatia fuel card  ya kutumia. The Girlfriend client will also catch feelings if there is a bug “aki na vile tume kulipa vipoa..” This are the clients who will ask for refunds/sue you/want you in the office every week etc.

Any who those are my two categories of clients. Hope one of you out there can relate.

In other news if you haven’t yet tried PesaBox here is the link>>, and here is a brief Wiki entry of how it works/what it does.

 

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Posted by on April 5, 2013 in code, hack, Humour

 

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