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Category Archives: campo

ctrl -A,ctrl- C,ctrl- V coder

Wacha niongee ju nimenyamaza for long….ok I have credible reasons for that but before I start hauling insults left right and center let me first share one or two heart warming things with those readers  who give me   genuine reson to write:

First I have just completed 2 Apps this month  which is kinda great for a small time coder as my self.(I read the guy who worked on IRIS did the whole app in 8 hours…..) Si wezi danganya nikuambie they will be the next great Ideas out there but what I can garuntee is they are coded  like the Egyptians build the Pyramids{Pure Art}…The way KaBinti looks {Pure beauty} The way my erection feels {Hardcore} So after all those man hours of coding I had to indulge in kidogo froth Thursday to Sato style…just the way Jaymo likes it.No wonder @mwas_LT was complaining about me drunk tweeting

While on that  topic of coding wacha nigusie kitu, I have great respect for the Kenyan code greats,@iddsalim Mohamed Maway @mbuguanjihia ,jaws na wengi wengineo I have blooged about them in way too many occassions, so let me talk about my league of coders,guys who come to me for code advice and I also replicate , this coders deserve attention pia.I have respect for kindred spirits  like @TayianaC Brenda Angweyi @twinkioko @ZacckOS people who actually ask for help code ikileta nyef nyef, guys who help you build your code skills by helping them solve bugs in theirs,but wale wamenichokesha ni ma copy pasters ma ctrl -A,ctrl- C,ctrl- V coders 

Haya sasa nime jam,why did i  have to go there,So here is what happened Coder flani…ata si coder,ni ka jamaa kanajifunza code,after kissing ass a whole semester i decided to help him with code kiasi, i recon its me giving back to society,Nothing wrong with that right? so mbona ume jam basi Jaymo, Well the dude carries a flash with him like kila tyme,so i chuck out kiasi and am guessing ndo workspace ili fanyiwa maneno, I come back to find dude with the Dog ate my homework  look,reading some pearl script i was working on for a pal,Kajamaa kakadaii ati ohhh wacha kaende kame pata what he wanted.

So mimi bila kujua nikaendelea na works,2 weeks later I hear he is doing Beta Testing <unaanza aje Beta bila Pre-Alpha na Alpha>. So i check out his .apk,walahi ni code ya Jaymo.Design,dimens,styles kila kitu….mpaka my customized quickactions.Yote…yangu

Mtu huambiwa asirushe mawe kama huna proof so i decompile his piece of crap,nyga ata ku obfusicate ni kazi ngumu kwake…manze code ni yangu, mpaka method namimg,class names…drawable names,raw zote…in other word this is just my work…..Nikajam,nika toka nje kuona kama kuna mahali nje ya mlango yangu imeandikwa opensource,au github HQ

Na mimi si ule msee wa kuketi na wezi chini tukiongea{Intelectual theft},Damu yangu ya umeru haiwezi, kwanza ilikuwa inadai nitafute panga nimshikishe adabu…but any way there are several  ways to correct a wrong.Tuesday  ndo nili roll  out operation shikisha adabu…4 hours attack on his computer….na ju haka ka jamaa ni ka WI-Fi junkie running a windows machine haikuwa kazi ngumu kuingia na ku erase my code from his HardDrive, re wrtite his and make all his methods echo “DAWAA YA WIZI NI ADHABU”…sasa naskia kana sema ati kana target machine yangu for subbotage.So here is what i have planned, you all know bubble gum Riddim…ile Riddim huchezwa kila mahali siku hizi, kinyozi,kibanda, choo,ma3 za kayole..bass hiyo..haka kajamaa kakidai za ovyo hivyo ndo source code yake itakuwa

Buda you really want to play it like that????

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Posted by on February 26, 2012 in 254, campo, code, hack, JKUAT, twitter

 

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Things to do in 2012.

so every one comes up  with a bucket list of things to do in a new year sijui you want to get saved or you want to save some endangered species in the amazon or plant trees in the mau… well my bucket list is rather….well…. rather  Jaymo. Any reader of this blog will attest  to my over indulgence in that which I call froth, the same readers will also attest for my deep love for code, but i promise to tone down on the froth this year, after several muggings in 2011. But for real though 2012 is the last year i have in college{dont even think am gon do an MSC}

so for 2012 this is  what i want to do

1.)Get a Muturi call

Yes we all heard that call “….aki muturi ku** inawaka moto….” yes boys and girls i want me a call like that, where she begs me to come rock her world like the flintstones and then i give her a lame  exuse like “aki babie si unajua na code, niko na project flani nafanyia client na siwezi kuja….” and then she will go like “.. aki jaymo ntakulipia taxi,atakama unataka meli ntalipa….” all this while the phone is on speaker and the crew is LOLing like they just smoked a spliff. Any way you get the picture

2.)Ship marto to some weird tao when he is passed out

This is not exactly me being all creative, i borrowed it from shameless, if you dont know what shameless is click here>> well in the series the old man passes out after indulging in froth and finds his ass in canada, yes he is shipped from states to canada. And that is what i plan on doing to one Marto this year. You have been warned

3.) Go to a Jew wedding 

Jaymo wacha utiaji wtf you talking about ati a jew what???? Niko serious btw, av always wanted to those guys just rock, they exchange vows, break glass, then lift the bride and groom on a chair. like seriously, sasa imagyn niko maji alafu  mimetokelezea kwa weeding kaa hiyo #winning

Av always wanted to lift someone on a chair,so a jew weedding it is for me, ju ya hiyo story i should start hanging around  their synagogues in tao, so mkiniona you know what am up to

4.)Blog more often.

I pulled a sebatical last year and abstained from written words,am not going to lie and tell you i went to the bahamas to discover myself, heck i was in kenya, doing nothing out of the ordinary, jaming to campmulla while dissing em football fans. so this year amo stop all that, and promise not to blog about Kabinti…..as much

5.)Code,code,code,code

Yes how can i forget about code, hii raundi am going HAM on yall, so wasee wa ruby jua your bwoy be coming through in 2012, i once heard a coder say that if java is a pair of scissors then ruby is a chainsaw, basi ju ya hiyo story si php itakuwa a pair on nun-chucks???? I want to have the honor of coding with someone like mohammed ahmed maaway,or debug code for eyedol. yes you bwoy be going HAM… listen to a coder like Linda Kamau talk about the code while thinking of banging a female coder like mariegithinji... yes code lazima iendele.

 
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Posted by on January 16, 2012 in 254, campo, code, Humour, JKUAT, Reflections, twitter

 

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Before I forget.

She looked at me with genuine interest and told me “Jaymo wewe una shida, you are a drinker with a coding problem”… so obviously am shocked, coz am expecting the opposite, i mean a coder with a drinking problem, but she went on “Siku gani hujawai lewa ukatae kunipatia story za code, this and that… sijui vile source code yako unaeza obfusicate na haiwezi someka…. dude in short am tired”….. yes a bratha was getting his Ass dumped for being inloved with his bottle of froth and that laptop  he calls lillian than being in love  with her……

Yes good people this is the first meaningfull post of 2012 and am listing all the crap that struck me in 2011 starting with the  one above. 2011 was a great year by any  standard, but it was equally frustrating so allow me to indulge you with my 3 worst events of 2011.

1.)Cougar Clande

Dont look at me like am some sort of perv, kama you neva had yourself a cougar clande then i suggest you  get yourself one, kwanza a monied one, ki Mbugua style. so your boy akaJaymo had himself a cougar clande, all was roosy at first, i mean she gave i received and i gave and she received {you  get the picture} but things took a rather dramatic turn after  my first sem ended, she got all possesive and shyt, getting all jealous of my girl Jean Grey, the fore mentioned cougar clande went to caosto for the new year and then came back to dump a bratha, imagyn a bratha being dumped coz he chats with Jean…..

Here is what the clande should have known: i spend most of my time either on twitter,unlimited text, or coding…. none of which anaweza hack{the texts pia} so why the fack you  getting all insane coz akajaymo wants to get some loving from a more 21st century member of the opposite sex???? ukipata jibu unaeza nipigia simu 0722***080

2.)Grand Theft Liquour

Last sem saw me  relieved of my wallet, cash, phone and house keys in one session. I swear the guys who saw  me that morning will admit i looked like a total wreck. dude you ever watched that scene from hangover 2 where they wake up all disoriented with no idea where they are? yap that was me, bila fare bila shyt!!! but i was high as fack, nakwambia ningekuwa sober ingekuwa a whole different thing…any way shyt happens ryt?

3.)The crew 

the crew is the best  thing in 2011 and still the worst  thing!!!! there is so much to talk about the crew that i think amo dedicate a whole post for em. But the worst thing in 2011 courtesy of marto,pato,eddie,JB,brayo,julius,mash na hao wengine wanao jijua ni ku throw a bash with two goats,mtungi ya keg na saa hizo ni wasee 11 pekee, suicide i tell you, how that bash ended up from being all fun to wasee wakipigana na wengine wakifunguliana roho… waaa boss that must have been the shortest bash from 2pm -7pm  no comment naachia hapo

So 2012 we doing it all again, drinking, coding, the may hem, the drama!!!!!!

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2012 in 254, campo, Humour

 

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Image

the Inbox I wish I had.

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2012 in campo, Humour

 

Me and Code:

I like this Fabo’s song that goes something like “…… sometimes I amaze sometimes I disappoint, sometimes I treat friends like its just some change, like shaq in the  line you probably miss the point but when you take a chance ever wondered where you took it from……..”

I am all sleepy, its 11.08 pm and I havent slept since jana… What have I been up to? well you may think I  was engaging in the usual froty indulgence that saw me photofinish some time in the Am and I had to get my ass back to campo in time for that Numerical Analysis lesson<yes I  have a class on a public holiday>. But no I was coding… I got in the zone around 7pm jana evening and  hevent left my machine since… I must have overdosed on  coffee coz I swear I cant feel my face.

Am listening to Denis Brown as  I write this not because I  have suddenly shfifted to reggae for relaxing but simply coz my playlist has ishad and the last songs I  added were reggae. I love code… the feeling one gets when you type something into an IDE and a living breathing(ok not exactly breathing) piece of software comes out. I guess that’s what God must have felt after creation,looking at the work of his hands and smilling simply to himself. I have been struggling with JSON for sometime… it was posting an error in my application….what application you may ask?

well for my final year am writing an android application that makes realestate mapping very easy, crudely put unaweza tafuta hao very easily… well Several of m beta testers have benn comaplaining that the code was posting some run-time error.  Hii imenikuala akili sana, so I  had to find a way of solving it bila ku re write code yote. Jana afta supper  I  went online. Found several forums about this and that,and started operating on my patient call me doctor James.

I get in the zone most times,plug in my head phones and just forget it all…. get all indulged in the code. At times this facks up alot of things in my life… yes you know that saying that goes that all nerds end up being alone coz half the time they chase away the good things in their life and elope with the code ,well its true..so before i go to sleep, i want to clear the air and talk to one or two readers who happen to be close friends of mine but who i have lengad for some time due to my over indulgence in certain.

Sorry pseudo names will be employed to mask true identity….

I begin with Biquits.. yes i know am a dick at times, i  spend more time with code than i  do with you, its nothing personal, i know you understand.. you the one who encourages me to do this stuff and even when i get syntax errors  i always know you will tell me to keep my head up.

Kabinti...Frothy friday nilikuona but shyt happened, went back to campo and ave been coding since.. i missed a CAT coz i was too tired from the previous night to even soma. I know you good kwenye uko so i will achia hapo..just wanted you to know.

Jean Grey aka the therapist,  If you buy a gun and shoot me then let it be stated in my will that i forgive you, I have not seen or heard from you in ages.. i don’t know if you even read my blog anymore but if it helps i still miss the sessions where i would speak geek and you would Google and try to be all nerd on me. Miss that alot so as soon as my app is done me and you are doing that Coffee at Mug’s

 
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Posted by on October 20, 2011 in 254, campo, code, Humour, JKUAT

 

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Frothy Friday.

The words in me were itching like literally…I haven’t written in a while…not  writers block eating me up…hell no…maybe a dub of liquor and boredom add the coding to that ,the erratic wi-fi that characterizes my life and you probably get why I was kinda off.

Today is a great day to write, Saturdays are usually good for me woke up and dissed Ictumwet for going to a bash without me she looked pretty from my drive way…did kidogo  coding and decided to halla at the code  sensei *read Iddsalim*, I was bumping to windeck and he gave me a link to remix,Talked bout this and that.he was at ihub so kept the storo short

Any who today amo vent…yeah thats right amo vent…am that Guy today..the guy who cant throw stones coz he lives in a glass house so he decides to throw words. Sasa Jaymo una vent ju ya nini….what else frothy friday,I guess after you have spent a couple of years in college every thing seems like crap coz you have  been there done that, bought the t-shirt and lost it.

Booooo sour grape syndrome ndo unayo….ok let me feel you in.A ka fresha decides to feel all hot on you,amevaa ile sura ya niongeleshe uone…lakini nguo ni zile  za leo silalai kwangu…. the froth in you was kinda accelerated and she seemed fly for a minute…and the tat above her right boob kinda looked hot in retrospect to the dark…you are weaving all your words of deception  with such prowess…word play is at its highest. The froth be confusing coz you can swear you must have heard here say …”sijiskii kubonga” and the first thing to hit you was what?????But you facked as hell you dont know the question you asked her to warrant that responce..maybe  it was “I think your A cup boobs would look better with kidogo silicone implants to swell em up,dont you agree?”All in all you now solo…and the only thing you left with is that boti of Pili looking sexy as hell,you order another and you now having what I call a frothy threesome.(you,plili #1 & pili #2)

Huyo wewe next damsel….”sap ma,I kinda dig that look you have on tonight”…she smiles,you can swear its a blush,or maybe  a giggle “thanx…I havent seen you before,you new?” You engage yourself in  a minute of  monologue..kwani am supposed to be like an EABL billboard ndo uni notice…but you refrain from anything valgour “si niko low key,u know how this things go”… she has a blank expression…its like she buffering what you just told her…it hits home…fack this you too slow for my liking…

From the distance you can see Right man*read Marto* be all up on some mama….unajua usipotia bidii ni wewe unalala nje leo….you downing the bottles like they plain water or something…the booze is kicking in..real fast….fack JKUAT for few mamas and a hundred jamaas,itabidii umebafua jamaa flani…

Killer smile check…some chic is obviously not into the vybe ana pewa na jaymo be the solution…couple minutes later you and her move to a more secluded  location…..one or to shots of that,mixed with a some of that…….the next thing you remember is waking up on sato morning

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2011 in campo, Humour, MEMORIES.

 

The Struggling coder

Am in no way a big time coder….half  of the guys I have interacted with will attest to this….but am the type of coder who will hustle ju chini to be as great as someone like Iddsalim…am the type of coder who has only handled kitu 6 clients mpaka saa hizi…the type of coder who did a rookie mistake  that may cost him alot in the event it backfires

So here is what cut,flani wa flani gets a referal from flani wa flani that jaymo can weave an idea into a running application….the refered to flani wa flani goes ahead and conatcts you……set up a meeting with you.All professional

You hook up with  the said client…..He knows what he wants(my kind of client).he even has mock ups all done decribing what he wants….You like what he is talking about….at the back of your mind you know you can code this bila wasiwasi…..Quick cash right?….wacha niendelee…you set up a price for the said project…..ju kijana ako na njaa na anataka pesa pap ana  underestimate the true cost of the project….you are doing a project worth X at 0.5X (yaani unaifanya for half the price)…..you must have missed the grin on his face when you gave him your quotation.

Client ni mstrict…anatoa ma contract,una sign,haina ma fina print*hata ingekuwa nayo all my lawyer friends were drinking that day*

Una sign on the dotted line…..Jammaa ni mpoa anakushika ka thao usikose fare ya kwenda home,you agree kuitoa kwa the 0.5X amount…..haya basi…..huyo mimi home

Kejani comp inatolewa code inaandikwa….true to your word,in 3 days unakitu ya kumshow….call it a beta of sorts….You email him and agree to hook up later on in the day.

Kitu 5pm while sipping an expensive cup of coffee at Dormans that he is paying for he has a look at what you have  come up with.ana smile…ile smile unapatianga dame akiingia box mara ya kwanza….

unajua uko paid….right? wrong!!!

Ana anza za ovyo”ok ni poa but nilikuwa nataka tuongeze database intergation hapa na hapa” Kwa kicwa yako isha kuwa 3tier already…more money for this struggling coder….You are up for the task….

Kejani tena,after kukata maji kiasi unarudia code….2 days iko sawa….second meeting…coffee bado…smile bado…..ana za ovyo tena”nilikuwa nataka ikae hivi…” ana sample kwa comp yake…..na hii si MVC coding ati utachange view chap chap..au tusema ni XML unaeza modify ukingoja  que ya beef mess

So back to the code…siku ngapi mpaka sasa 7 days….Ina bidii urudi campo,Final year is calling…..

Client ana kuharakisha,una hustle keja,huja register units….stress kibao so you cant get coding…..Client gets all threatening..ana anza kukumbusha what you signed….”In the event of failure to submit said project in said days then you will be deamed to have abscorned and may be liable for any cost incured during interaction with fulani fulani”…bullshit

Damn…unajifungia keja..Daro ka zote hujaenda..Fluid Mechanics hujaingia,PDE hatahujui nani anawafunza….coding tu,atleast unahope no more changes…..mpaka mabeste wana complain ju frothy friday uko kejani….after a couple of days code imeiva….ime steady ka 6AM erection…..

You hand over the project and wait for testing then consequent payment.Akileta za ovyo usha bonga na fake lawyer beste yako vile  utamhandle…..umechoka na hizi changes ana ka akimake kila siku

Lesson learnt:Always read the blue print behind every contract you enter,specify enough time allowing you to test before hand kabla kupatia owner and in the wise words of my coding mentor(James Maina) always teach yourself how to price your product such that isikae so cheap*read fake* au to expe

so at least leo naeza lala bila stress ju code iko salama…ju ya hiyo story kecho naenda daro

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in 254, campo, code, Reflections

 

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