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JKUAT graduation. A letter to the fresha Jaymo

So he is finally graduating ….yes Jaymo is finally getting that piece of paper that will persuade mum that all the money she spent on me was not wasted. So as I was thinking of going for my Gown at Juja  a pal of mine asked me what I would tell the younger version of me if I could teleport back to 2008. back to when I was a freshman at JKUAT. Well after much pondering I came up with a list of the things I would tell first year Jaymo.

1.Campus will be over  before you know it,so have fun.I know it seems like all those Math lessons last forever but before you know it you will be doing your finals asking the crew when you will be having the last rave.You will have mad fun, you will get into trouble also…but the guys you call the crew will make campo rock the most. Marto,Pato,Ritchie,Mogaka,kush,mash and Brayo will have the weirdest plots.From kuchinja mbuzi 6.30 jioni just for the sake,to drinking Friday at 1pm till sato Morning(Photo finishing). You will get arrested by cops,take part in strikes,try and steal votes during JKUSO elections. Wake up to find Hookers in your room.Move into some of the best hostels in campo,get kicked out,become squatters do ratish and local brew kwa Pamela. The crew will be awesome. You and martin will get accusations of being drug dealers in school.That being said, don’t procrastinate in your studies (as hard as it is). Coz that will be your greatest vice. Skiving CATs and thinking to yourself ati utafanya make up next week is the largest lie that will mark your Academic life…You will make half of the math teachers hate you for this especially the Numerical Analysis CATs and Exam that you have never done to date.

2.Rave without guilt. I know you found yourself in a class full of math geeks who think the most fun thing to do is find the Integral of x in a 3D plane. Usijifause kwa hiyo crap. Enda frothy friday kama kawaa, nurse your hungie on Sato and back to class like in on Monday.Maths and comp class will have some of the smartest people you will ever find,some of the dumbest pia. Guys who will try and show they know better to win favor in the eyes of the Dawns,Guys who don’t know what unit they are in. Guys who will always  have time to teach you a thing or two in math (s/o to Kaunde I hear utakuwa lecturer soon..good work bro).Guys you will give your comp assigmnets/cats/exams to dub,Guys who will give you their math assigmnets/cats/exams to dub also. That’s Maths Comp  baabie… everyone will copy.

3.You will make 2 great friends in your class Marto and Stella. You will do  crazy stuff pamoja. you will get crazy marks in CATS (bot sides of the graph), you will get beef from people who don’t get the trinity. You will chew together in clubs,do the long mess lines kwa mess pigaing stories like crazy.Do pilau on Friday and ka Nyama weekend. Skive class to go swimming on a Wednesday .miss exam marks coz Stella forgot the email address (again) Diss all the exes you have/had,you will create something called the HAGUE..all the secrets you have about stuff will be held dear and you will promise to share kwa graduation square.( cant wait for that one.)

4.Weird Lectures. you will have those lecturers who will not like your guts, some will not understand how you can write code better than them (Felix the JAVA teacher) you will look at them debugging code and wonder WTF is difficult hapo. You will gradually shift away to your own zone. since Comp science will appear easy to you but people/lectures will think you are just a bragadosho kid. You will get a D in an exam because you answered all the questions right kwa Exam (fack you Data Structures Lec).Some will become close friends others will be people you run over with your Range Rover Vogue the day you buy one.They will teach advanced concepts in Comp science kwa  your  final year .a unit you will get an A despite never being seen in that class.Your final year project will be awesome. They will make several copies of it and put it kwa Lib ya campo…yes you will be immortalized.

5.You will make friends,you will make enemies also.The two exist together like ying and yang.But the worst thing will be when people you hold dear stub you in the back.Screw you in deals.That will hurt but you got to keep it real .I rest that on there.

6.Hug Mum more,she will always be the one to support you when everyone else will be giving you the eye.You will have your difficult times.She will find out that you drink but will not think much of it till you fack up stuff at around 2ND year.she will still pray for you and listen to you tell her about code. She will still insist that you get a hair cut coz she like you neat (its 2012 na bado alinikumbusha this morning), she will still insist you eat the first chapo she cooks,and pea you more nyama than your sisters.treasure that and be there for her during her hard times

7. Faii and Mercy your two lovely sisters will still treat you like a kid, take advantage of that (financially pia they will finance your pet projects). Don’t fight that, you will have crazy fun with them and  they will always have your back.You will end up at ihub coz of them…its a long story but they are the ones who will point you in that direction.

8.As you grow more to code people will use you.you will code stuff that you will think will land you that break you want.People will pay you little and lie to you that they will give you a bigger job next.Its  not to say you will not have your money moments.You will make mad paper and by 3rd year you will think dropping out of campo and starting Jamuhuri Tech is the smartest thing since you will have done your first 6 figure.But mum will sit you down and talk(I mean threaten you) into finishing campo.

9.You will meet a chic you will call kabinti after the song by Bamboo..she will have you smitten for most part of campo. You will write about  here>> . Don’t worry In your  final sem of campo things will take a rather unusual turn. You will meet a coder chic. She will tell you stuff about Picaso and van Gogh. She will look at you like the best coder in the world. She will read books about the Gulag, listen to Lupe Fiasco make you listen to Bob Marley for the first time in your life.You will understand alot with her and make her continue  blogging (she blogs here>>). All I can say,she will be the best thing in your life. So don’t fret fate will be good to you.

10. You will start a blog. this blog actually, to share what you think of life. to share your code stuff.People will read it. Some will not understand it, others will love it. You will write similar to Idd Salim and people will diss you for that (Salim himself will tell you that also). But Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and for that he will let it slide.You will meet great coders in Kenya, they will teach you alot you will also share alot with other coders. Some will steal your work, others will claim your work to be there’s. All this events will be immortalized  in this blog.This little blog of yours.

So in conclusion first year Jaymo… tomorrow I get my graduation gown, and call JKUAT my Alma-mater as of next week.You will do good things…actually great things..so I have confidence in you and that is all the older Jaymo has to say.

<peace/>

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Posted by on November 21, 2012 in JKUAT, MEMORIES., music, twitter

 

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Guest Post: UBAYA WA MAHACKATHONS NOWADAYS

Its been a while since I had a Guest Post on my Blog. So when a pal asked whether I could let her do one then you Know a bratha had to say Yes . So here it is {she blogs here if you are curious >>>>}

UBAYA WA MAHACKATHONS NOWADAYS

Been meaning to write this for a while and finally here goes. Ok Im not against competitions but seriously we need to rethink why and how we have these.

Napenda watu wa campo hio si issue but most of the time when you go for these things you will find majority of them there.  Si eti the other guys hawataki pesa but people be too grown for these (as in guys don’t just go for competitions just for the sake, watu wako busy wanacode “fa sustenance” si for pesa ya weekend. Lakini ka doo ni mob sawa). Most of the time you will get those who are on holidays, those who just cleared from school na wamecome kusocialize,  na wengine they just love the experience. Kuna wale huenda to make an extra buck and don’t think beyond the hackathon, then there is a fourth type of guys who have gone there with an intention of meeting the local Tech scene (if wazito watatokea), put what they know to test (coz they actually have initiative to teach themselves real code) and learn from the experienced people (they know there are guys better than them) so as to perhaps create networks for side husle jobs to build their skills.

Now we all know in campo unless you own a business or wewe ni husla you are usually broke so the sound of getting Ksh. Xk in a day sounds very exciting. Now it won’t matter if you actually have any skills or you are willing to do your best to add value to the team but getting the mulla is the focus for you since by mere fact of being in a team hata kama hukudo any, assures you a cut. Then lastly kuna wenye hujiita magurus and they think wanajua kila kitu….wololos!

Now this bunch (know it alls na joyriders) is what is giving competitions a bad name. Manze unaenda hackathon na unakutana na watu wanataka tu doo na they don’t even want to work for it. As in there is a difference between a commercial product and a class assignment and what they want to give is classroom material. When our University students go abroad for internships and the likes if they are doing CS (Computer Science or related stuff) they usually notice the difference I guess it’s the fact that they realize watu wengi wamezoea shoddy job kwa daro as in  “bora nipate marks. Meanwhile as we write Hello world in all languages kuna mtoii amepublish apps kadhaa kwa iOS …ok Moving on.

I think the standards at Hackathons should be raised as in if you tell every Tom Dick and Harry to attend kuna wasee hata even for their own good they don’t learn anything from there since they give minimal or no input. Then it has been noted (relax statistics bado hazijatolewa) that most startups formed by strangers in Hackathons especially mastudents hawajuani  or any other group don’t last beyond that. Only people who know each other well or have worked together and know what everyone else brings to the table have been successful.

Don’t get me wrong there are many gifted students shout out to UON, Strath, JKUAT, Egerton, Baraton, KEMU,  and the other Kenyan Campos’s but seriously saa zingine ……..Sawa that all!

 
 

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Similarity between Prostitution and Coding/Programming in Kenya

I wrote the title to this post and couldn’t help but laugh at first. I mean ave written some really weird posts but Dude this one just has to be the one. Any way let me state my case:  Similarity between Prostitution and Coding/Programming in Kenya.

Let me begin with a shallow be it obscure definition of both: Prostitution is the act of selling one’s body in a sexual way for profit. It’s one of the oldest professions around. Coding is the development of software products that solve problems related to day to day activities. This is usually done for profit {or not} but let’s just stick with the profit aspect in this context. So how are the two similar you may ask!! Well I have been watching episodes of Hung back to back and the thought crossed my Mind…My God Prostitution and coding are similar.  Hung is a series about some boy toy that has to screw women for money simply for survival, but soon ends up doing it for the money. Here is a link >>>> Let me paint a picture of similarity between the above two professions.

In the world of Business the key to making major mullah is some form of Advertising. It doesn’t matter if its false advertising or true advertising the more you/ the product are known the more you are likely to get many customers and hence more mullah for you. Kapish…? The same applies to Hookers,  it doesn’t matter how prettya hooker is…If you don’t have  a connect then you don’t get mullah…or you will really have to put in work in order to barely get any customers. And don’t forget you may get a customer who refuses to pay once kazi imeisha simply because you are minus a pimp to chase them down. Still with me? Sawa wacha tuendele… Haya In this world if you don’t have connects and end up on Someones Street then Bitch you gon get your ass kicked.

The converse is also true. You may not be a fly looking mama but based on how good your Pimp is then you end up getting  major mullah .All the while the fly looking girl on the corner is still waiting at around 3am for their first customer. Or dodging the cops (Kanjo) and if the day is bad she will leave with barely anything in her pocket (or Bra!!).So the Key to a hooker getting paid is the pimp. And of course location, location, location.

Haya lets go to coding. A key aspect of coding in Kenya  is making money… (Wait before you start yelling I know some coders are in it for purely for the dev aspect, money aint an issue…That being said lets go ahead) . First there are coders who are just great, so great that they are like the fly hooker who just walks down the street and gets a pick up from some rich guy.0 effort on their side, she just swings her hips, flaunts the goods and viola!! The deal is sealed … the goods advertise themselves; they are few lakini, countable really. These types of coders are the ones who have done really huge projects and their name searches on Google yield impressive results. Cash is impressive also; actually the pay is more than impressive. Major $$$$ ka ching ching .

The second type of coders…the ones with a super pimp…A pimp who will hook them up with Jobs za Nguvu…USD projects…they know Mr.x in this blue chip firm…Mr. y in that other firm…yaani they are more wired than the extension cable in my house. These types of coders are the ones who get calls like “Niaje Msee BBK wants system flani…And they are willing to pay 5000USD if you can deliver it in 1 month”. They push two 4 figure USD projects   in a month. And have egos the size of Thika road.

Then kuna the third type, good coders who have no pimps…These guys have to remain on the corner the whole night…and hope the makeup they spent their last dime on will get them a client. These coders end up with 4 or 5 small jobs all barely 20K each …all jobs are on a tight schedule. 2-5 days deadlines for a 10K gig….the desperation of waiting on the curb makes them concede. If they are unlucky then even the 20 K they were to get paid ends up being stolen from them (Just like the hooker bila a pimp)

Then kuna the fourth type.   The ones who don’t even know where the curb is.  Those are like the pretty hookers who believe that since they are pretty they will end up making mullah. But soon find out that maisha bila pimp ni ngumu kuruka. They end up being facked (for free!!) all the while being lied to that they will be given a great job. Doesn’t matter if you can code in binary or even in some unknown scripting language.  If no one knows you then the most you will get is a lay from your chic (ile ya huruma…nothing kinky or spicy).

That being said…if you are a Kenyan coder…Then slot yourself accordingly. Wacha mimi nikatafute Pimp

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2012 in 254, code, kenyan clones, true stories, twitter, weekend

 

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Coding WorkStations

So I  Remember a while ago…  I guess last year if am not wrong..me and a couple of techies exchanged photos of our current workstations (Yes I now it sounds lame…bite me!!!). Just to flaunt the impressive setups…but back then I was still in JKUAT so you can guess what I had for a work Station …Sisemi Kitu ask Marto and he may tell you….The big boys pulled out their impressive lairs, much to the amazement  of the smaller fish in the pond.So after completing College I embarked on the daunting task of building a perfect workstation….and I guess the below pictures offered me some Inspiration….. Mine is not yet done (For reasons best known to me..) But ikiisha I will share a couple of photos with you …It will be a simple setup ,enough to write code on,Listen to Nneka  or Asa and kama kawaida  Game to my Heart’s joy. so until then Amaze at the below……………

 

Jarod Lair (the guys who Owns StackOverflow).

Psleda’s WorkStation

Those are some of the bigboy workstations..I liked the simplicity of the next one….Sijui Mbona

David L’s Lair

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2012 in code, hack, kenyan clones, twitter

 

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FIVE BLOGS I READ

It’s been long since I wrote something straight from the hub, Si *ihub, I mean git-hub , Githurai Hub, (that’s what me and @tayianaC  call my crib and yes it’s listed as such on foursquare). But I didn’t blog to tell yall that…so what do I wish to write about? Well let me first take you down memory lane. I started this blog some time last year as a way of conveying my intern life and my final year in campus; I gave you all tales of frothy indulgence as an Intern, tales of random raving with the crew back in campo and the current tales of a struggling freelance coder trying to make a living of code.

But I have not shared any stories of late, maybe because in between running left right and center trying to meet contractual obligations entered with clients I have not had ample time to blog. So today I will critique some of the blogs I read/am reading, I admire the writing skills many bloggers have, so here goes:

1.)  I have fallen in love with this blog by @arungaian. He talks about this UnSub called Doris, who the author pens regularly and admittedly agrees to be in Love with; he blends this with uncanny humor, Humor we can all relate to …. it reminds me of humor that Raymond Chepkwony   used to bring to his readers…btw what happened to Raymond? Moving along…The dude can no doubt write.

Side note: Who is Doris anyway?  View blog Link here>>

2.) Next in line is the techie/ HipHoper @_JM_13 (Jackie), she somehow manages to blend hiphop and tech into a blog. I Kind love how she manages to blog nearly every day, seeing her passion in blogging kinda make me feel guilty of not writing.

Side note: Ongeza tech kiasi kwa blog, feature coders and hiphop artists. View blog Link here>>

3.) I can’t miss mentioning the man himself @iddsalim (Beste Mnoma), jamaa hufungua roho when I comes to code…I have mentioned him before in this blog so sibongi sana…

Side note: You didn’t finish showing me some code maneno I was working on…mpaka wa leo nangoja. View blog Link here>>

4.) Blog ya @savvy is also one of the blogs I read, I have been reading her blog since her days in JKUAT, she can write well, her command of subject matter is admirable

Side note:  I don’t get her subject matter nowadays, I miss the old stories, and how she used to tell them, siku hizi amekuwa formal  Sana View blog Link here>>

5.)  I bumped onto Tom Makau’s blog sometime this year while conducting some research. I love how thorough he discusses his subject matters…you feel he knows what he is writing about when you read his work. I don’t know if I should call him a techie or a telecoms guy or something in between .He is one guy who knows what he blogs about.

Side note:  Blog more often   View blog Link here>>

 

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2012 in 254, Humour, Reflections, twitter, weekend

 

Tagged

I don’t usually have class on Monday so i decided to hit the blogs av not somad in a while and saw this tag by @savvykenya and decided why not write:

1. What time did you get up this morning?

To be honest it was up kitu 7.30 ju leo sina daro,na jana was sunday so i was bila  hangover

2. How do you like your steak?

Am assuming ni steak ya nyama tunaongea kuhusu {perverted Me}..hapo ata sijui niseme aje as long as i wash it down with a pilsner i usually dont give a damn,sijui ati iwekwe nini na nini…

3. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

Am a strong Kenyan Patriot, but lets not kid ourselves Kenya sio Garden of Eden.. if i could live outside here then i think it would be Russia,maybe coz of the Vodoski or maybe coz Russia just has this hardcore look.Most of their hackers are so bad ass that the KGB used to hire them to steal secrets from States during the Cold War.So russia it would be, me and my laptop sipping Vodoski

4. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

neither,mimi ni ule jamaa atauliza “Nani anataka kununua maji tumuuzie hii”, alafu akisha kunywa ata hiyo cup yenyewe tunauza…

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Sasa hapa ndo watu watashangaa, i HATE watching soccer, kwangu football ni overated, kama kumangana missionary…what do i watch???mhhhh!!! Rugby mostly, game live za Kenya au anything worthwhile on Supersport

6. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?

Kabisa…Two Android Apps in one month,a client interested in one and currently working on how to customize it for his needs #code

7. What did you want to be when you were little?

I had a thing {still do} for Electronics growing up,everyone thought i would do Electronics Eng in campo…that was what i was really into as a kid…but somehow along the road that is life i found Math and code…but i still do circuitry on weekends

8. What is your best childhood memory?

I had an uncle who used to work for the Kenya Airforce. So this one time we went to visit him barracks za Nanyuki..ilikuwa so facking awesome..seeing jets and choppers in close range, actually being able  to touch the planes and see them take off and land…..that was one of those things that siwezi sahau

Till later on in High school i discoverd kunakuwanga na cheap booze at the officers mess and stoped hitting the run way #froth

9. Do anything spontaneous lately?

Spontaneous is relative, but i guess kwangu the most spontaneous thing i did was hoping on a bus for Mombasa on a Wednesday just for the shear adrenaline rush…having wasee wa daro call me “Jaymo kuna class afte?”While am drinking madafu with some coasto tweeps #awesome

10. Like your job?

I do freelance work for Jamuhuri Tech….and I sure as hell love it

11. What was your favorite vacation?

Ebu i win me a 1000000 and then i will get back to you on that..as for know..wacha tuseme Malindi

 

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2012 in twitter, Uncategorized

 

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ctrl -A,ctrl- C,ctrl- V coder

Wacha niongee ju nimenyamaza for long….ok I have credible reasons for that but before I start hauling insults left right and center let me first share one or two heart warming things with those readers  who give me   genuine reson to write:

First I have just completed 2 Apps this month  which is kinda great for a small time coder as my self.(I read the guy who worked on IRIS did the whole app in 8 hours…..) Si wezi danganya nikuambie they will be the next great Ideas out there but what I can garuntee is they are coded  like the Egyptians build the Pyramids{Pure Art}…The way KaBinti looks {Pure beauty} The way my erection feels {Hardcore} So after all those man hours of coding I had to indulge in kidogo froth Thursday to Sato style…just the way Jaymo likes it.No wonder @mwas_LT was complaining about me drunk tweeting

While on that  topic of coding wacha nigusie kitu, I have great respect for the Kenyan code greats,@iddsalim Mohamed Maway @mbuguanjihia ,jaws na wengi wengineo I have blooged about them in way too many occassions, so let me talk about my league of coders,guys who come to me for code advice and I also replicate , this coders deserve attention pia.I have respect for kindred spirits  like @TayianaC Brenda Angweyi @twinkioko @ZacckOS people who actually ask for help code ikileta nyef nyef, guys who help you build your code skills by helping them solve bugs in theirs,but wale wamenichokesha ni ma copy pasters ma ctrl -A,ctrl- C,ctrl- V coders 

Haya sasa nime jam,why did i  have to go there,So here is what happened Coder flani…ata si coder,ni ka jamaa kanajifunza code,after kissing ass a whole semester i decided to help him with code kiasi, i recon its me giving back to society,Nothing wrong with that right? so mbona ume jam basi Jaymo, Well the dude carries a flash with him like kila tyme,so i chuck out kiasi and am guessing ndo workspace ili fanyiwa maneno, I come back to find dude with the Dog ate my homework  look,reading some pearl script i was working on for a pal,Kajamaa kakadaii ati ohhh wacha kaende kame pata what he wanted.

So mimi bila kujua nikaendelea na works,2 weeks later I hear he is doing Beta Testing <unaanza aje Beta bila Pre-Alpha na Alpha>. So i check out his .apk,walahi ni code ya Jaymo.Design,dimens,styles kila kitu….mpaka my customized quickactions.Yote…yangu

Mtu huambiwa asirushe mawe kama huna proof so i decompile his piece of crap,nyga ata ku obfusicate ni kazi ngumu kwake…manze code ni yangu, mpaka method namimg,class names…drawable names,raw zote…in other word this is just my work…..Nikajam,nika toka nje kuona kama kuna mahali nje ya mlango yangu imeandikwa opensource,au github HQ

Na mimi si ule msee wa kuketi na wezi chini tukiongea{Intelectual theft},Damu yangu ya umeru haiwezi, kwanza ilikuwa inadai nitafute panga nimshikishe adabu…but any way there are several  ways to correct a wrong.Tuesday  ndo nili roll  out operation shikisha adabu…4 hours attack on his computer….na ju haka ka jamaa ni ka WI-Fi junkie running a windows machine haikuwa kazi ngumu kuingia na ku erase my code from his HardDrive, re wrtite his and make all his methods echo “DAWAA YA WIZI NI ADHABU”…sasa naskia kana sema ati kana target machine yangu for subbotage.So here is what i have planned, you all know bubble gum Riddim…ile Riddim huchezwa kila mahali siku hizi, kinyozi,kibanda, choo,ma3 za kayole..bass hiyo..haka kajamaa kakidai za ovyo hivyo ndo source code yake itakuwa

Buda you really want to play it like that????

 
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Posted by on February 26, 2012 in 254, campo, code, hack, JKUAT, twitter

 

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