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Category Archives: weekend

Similarity between Prostitution and Coding/Programming in Kenya

I wrote the title to this post and couldn’t help but laugh at first. I mean ave written some really weird posts but Dude this one just has to be the one. Any way let me state my case:  Similarity between Prostitution and Coding/Programming in Kenya.

Let me begin with a shallow be it obscure definition of both: Prostitution is the act of selling one’s body in a sexual way for profit. It’s one of the oldest professions around. Coding is the development of software products that solve problems related to day to day activities. This is usually done for profit {or not} but let’s just stick with the profit aspect in this context. So how are the two similar you may ask!! Well I have been watching episodes of Hung back to back and the thought crossed my Mind…My God Prostitution and coding are similar.  Hung is a series about some boy toy that has to screw women for money simply for survival, but soon ends up doing it for the money. Here is a link >>>> Let me paint a picture of similarity between the above two professions.

In the world of Business the key to making major mullah is some form of Advertising. It doesn’t matter if its false advertising or true advertising the more you/ the product are known the more you are likely to get many customers and hence more mullah for you. Kapish…? The same applies to Hookers,  it doesn’t matter how prettya hooker is…If you don’t have  a connect then you don’t get mullah…or you will really have to put in work in order to barely get any customers. And don’t forget you may get a customer who refuses to pay once kazi imeisha simply because you are minus a pimp to chase them down. Still with me? Sawa wacha tuendele… Haya In this world if you don’t have connects and end up on Someones Street then Bitch you gon get your ass kicked.

The converse is also true. You may not be a fly looking mama but based on how good your Pimp is then you end up getting  major mullah .All the while the fly looking girl on the corner is still waiting at around 3am for their first customer. Or dodging the cops (Kanjo) and if the day is bad she will leave with barely anything in her pocket (or Bra!!).So the Key to a hooker getting paid is the pimp. And of course location, location, location.

Haya lets go to coding. A key aspect of coding in Kenya  is making money… (Wait before you start yelling I know some coders are in it for purely for the dev aspect, money aint an issue…That being said lets go ahead) . First there are coders who are just great, so great that they are like the fly hooker who just walks down the street and gets a pick up from some rich guy.0 effort on their side, she just swings her hips, flaunts the goods and viola!! The deal is sealed … the goods advertise themselves; they are few lakini, countable really. These types of coders are the ones who have done really huge projects and their name searches on Google yield impressive results. Cash is impressive also; actually the pay is more than impressive. Major $$$$ ka ching ching .

The second type of coders…the ones with a super pimp…A pimp who will hook them up with Jobs za Nguvu…USD projects…they know Mr.x in this blue chip firm…Mr. y in that other firm…yaani they are more wired than the extension cable in my house. These types of coders are the ones who get calls like “Niaje Msee BBK wants system flani…And they are willing to pay 5000USD if you can deliver it in 1 month”. They push two 4 figure USD projects   in a month. And have egos the size of Thika road.

Then kuna the third type, good coders who have no pimps…These guys have to remain on the corner the whole night…and hope the makeup they spent their last dime on will get them a client. These coders end up with 4 or 5 small jobs all barely 20K each …all jobs are on a tight schedule. 2-5 days deadlines for a 10K gig….the desperation of waiting on the curb makes them concede. If they are unlucky then even the 20 K they were to get paid ends up being stolen from them (Just like the hooker bila a pimp)

Then kuna the fourth type.   The ones who don’t even know where the curb is.  Those are like the pretty hookers who believe that since they are pretty they will end up making mullah. But soon find out that maisha bila pimp ni ngumu kuruka. They end up being facked (for free!!) all the while being lied to that they will be given a great job. Doesn’t matter if you can code in binary or even in some unknown scripting language.  If no one knows you then the most you will get is a lay from your chic (ile ya huruma…nothing kinky or spicy).

That being said…if you are a Kenyan coder…Then slot yourself accordingly. Wacha mimi nikatafute Pimp

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Posted by on October 29, 2012 in 254, code, kenyan clones, true stories, twitter, weekend

 

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FIVE BLOGS I READ

It’s been long since I wrote something straight from the hub, Si *ihub, I mean git-hub , Githurai Hub, (that’s what me and @tayianaC  call my crib and yes it’s listed as such on foursquare). But I didn’t blog to tell yall that…so what do I wish to write about? Well let me first take you down memory lane. I started this blog some time last year as a way of conveying my intern life and my final year in campus; I gave you all tales of frothy indulgence as an Intern, tales of random raving with the crew back in campo and the current tales of a struggling freelance coder trying to make a living of code.

But I have not shared any stories of late, maybe because in between running left right and center trying to meet contractual obligations entered with clients I have not had ample time to blog. So today I will critique some of the blogs I read/am reading, I admire the writing skills many bloggers have, so here goes:

1.)  I have fallen in love with this blog by @arungaian. He talks about this UnSub called Doris, who the author pens regularly and admittedly agrees to be in Love with; he blends this with uncanny humor, Humor we can all relate to …. it reminds me of humor that Raymond Chepkwony   used to bring to his readers…btw what happened to Raymond? Moving along…The dude can no doubt write.

Side note: Who is Doris anyway?  View blog Link here>>

2.) Next in line is the techie/ HipHoper @_JM_13 (Jackie), she somehow manages to blend hiphop and tech into a blog. I Kind love how she manages to blog nearly every day, seeing her passion in blogging kinda make me feel guilty of not writing.

Side note: Ongeza tech kiasi kwa blog, feature coders and hiphop artists. View blog Link here>>

3.) I can’t miss mentioning the man himself @iddsalim (Beste Mnoma), jamaa hufungua roho when I comes to code…I have mentioned him before in this blog so sibongi sana…

Side note: You didn’t finish showing me some code maneno I was working on…mpaka wa leo nangoja. View blog Link here>>

4.) Blog ya @savvy is also one of the blogs I read, I have been reading her blog since her days in JKUAT, she can write well, her command of subject matter is admirable

Side note:  I don’t get her subject matter nowadays, I miss the old stories, and how she used to tell them, siku hizi amekuwa formal  Sana View blog Link here>>

5.)  I bumped onto Tom Makau’s blog sometime this year while conducting some research. I love how thorough he discusses his subject matters…you feel he knows what he is writing about when you read his work. I don’t know if I should call him a techie or a telecoms guy or something in between .He is one guy who knows what he blogs about.

Side note:  Blog more often   View blog Link here>>

 

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2012 in 254, Humour, Reflections, twitter, weekend

 

Muturi & Nicole Booty call.

Am not going to talk mob about that call rather i will just re blog what IddSalim wrote on his blog about the possible source of the Audio leak : So here is a snippert of what he had to say:

“………………The question the few Kenyans with a brain are asking is this. “Hiyo simu waliiskiza aje?”. The question the few coders/security analysts are asking is this. “Have phone-call interception equipment finally come to Kenya? Do we, FINALLY, have hackers who can do what Salim has been talking about, akatukanwa? Are our worst fears finally here? Should we be worried?”. So, I decided to demystify the source of the clip…………

I tried looking at the Audio file in MP3 using Nyquist-Shannon sampling theorem and other audio analysis models and the results were outstanding. The recording came out as a perfectly flowing person-to-person convo. The convo took place and could not have been cooked. And so, I came up with these scenarios.

1 – A telco employee did it

As stated above, it is POSSIBLE and IT HAPPENS that phone call and SMS records can be sold. The question becomes, how comes it was ONLY this call that got out. How idle would a telco employee be, to sift through ALL the GBs of data to get this ONE call? Still, idlers exist. And there is something called luck.

2 – Muturi did it

Using a Smart or Smart-Enuff phone, one can record a phone call. Muturi might have recorded the call (knowingly or just automatically), found it funny as f*u*ck, and decided to share. Nicole would not have shared this. Stupid female pride would not have let her. Muturi would. Stupid male ego would not let him not share. “Muone vile madem hunikufia”.

3 – It was a studio-born viral prank call

High probability too. A ‘real’ phone call can be, unfortunately, manufactured. At the last few seconds of the call, we hear the credit/airtime beep. If a studio call, then this is a specially crafted section to add to LEGITIMACY. Stupid Kenyans must have been heard saying: “Si hata uliskia credit ikikatika. Ni ya ukweli.” How would someone willing to pay a cab and pika nyama not have more than KSHS 16.8 of credit?………….”

You can read his whole thought train here >>>> Or you can click here>>>> to listen to it

 

In my personal opinion,and speaking as a guy i think Muturi must have recorded it on his phone, you dont even need a smart phone to do that,even an Ideot can pull that one,then to prove a point to his boys/pub mates/ex clandes,leaked it and waited for it to go viral and judging by how desparado nicole sounded, Muturi must have tapped that and moved along.

 

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Work of Art.

 

He is an artist,born & bred in Machakos,fine-tuned in Nairobi.
He draws and sketches,creates and ocassionaly destroies.
He gives his mother credit for placing a crayon in his hand at 3 yrs of age.
His art has however evolved alot since then drawing,painting,architecture,interior design graphics and his current obsession
Photography
He graduated from college as an Architect and now mascurades as an interior designer and a moonlights as a photographer
Sample his work below before his true identity is revealed

 

This is the Smaller structure of the KICC(Kenyatta International Conference Center) as shot from the helipad of the same building.

A sneak peek of the KICC in Nairobi as seen from the Nation Center at dusk. a work of art if you ask me

The Kenyan Flag as hoisted on the Promulgation day.

20th  Century Plaza as captured  by his camera.

According to me,if Picasso was alive then am guessing he would hang out with this dude,catch a beer or two,Ladies and Gentlemen presenting Mutua Matheka.

Links to some of his work: MutuaMatheka.co.ke & mutuamatheka.wordpress.com

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2011 in 254, twitter, weekend

 

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Someone finally listened.

You may/may not remember a blog post i wrote a couple of months ago about my beef with the Kenyan campo system,if not click here>>>.Any who after screaming my lungs out to anyone who would offer an ear, arguing with @savvykenya about proxy servers and generally sending smoke signals so that the folks at JKUAT could get a hint,I finally found some one who shared the same school of thot with me,a certain chairman of department at JKUAT,ok maybe not all but what really matters is that he listened,he was impressed with this snippet from this blog:

………… With this in mind what do i have to say:change the whole system..do a bottom to top overhaul…change the course content,run expos,create Incubation labs..take JKUAT for example..create jkuatlab..a place for students to develop software,mobile apps,internet apps.Get a mentor ship program..give incentives(you will be surprised how something as little as 20k will get guys coding)Reward effort.stop rewarding guys who cram course content with first class honors,and lowers to guys who had more prowess in practical aspects of CS but never got a practical exam given to them…yet they can code even a whole operating system given the opportunity.…………….

So after an almost 3 hour long chat on this and that  i was given the opportunity to put my idea in writing and submit it to him by today(July 26th 2011).No promises of my proposal being adopted into the system  were made but he was really impressed.

So I  got all creative,took a shot of Viceroy and started writing,I have an Idea(among others) of a coding competition,a pitting of the titans if you may,coding for web 2.0,mobile apps and N-tier application  design…the ultimate goal,adoption by the school of well crafted apps,and to make things juicier a cash reward for the best projects.

The coding would keenly be followed by mentors(of their own choosing) who would advice the participants through out  the said coding period(1 month). But the mentors themselves would not be actually involved in the actual coding,so kama una thani utaleta iddsalim,iza bro.

To actualize this the school would have to avail resources (internet access,books ) and the actual prize money(si thani ni mita moja so punguza nyege).The judging would commence after the said one month has elapsed and the ultimate winners rewarded.

That being said,i know this is not the best idea out there but this is what i currently have in mind to foster tech development,so dear readers,fellow jkuat students,jkuat alumni,techies and what not please feel free to offer ideas that would foster thinkers,developers and innovators in the IT field,Instaed of guys who just waste bandwidth downloading midget porn.

I will post the proposal Tomorrow officially on my paste bin <here>

Tafakari hayo.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2011 in 254, INTERNSHIP, true stories, twitter, weekend

 

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New degree cource B.sc Drinking

Name:CrazyNairobian

Location:Nairobi Kenya

Intention:Re blog a work of art

Permissions:Its my blog God damn it,i can re blog aslong as i pay Literal appreciation to the author

That being said,allow me to re blog something i read from crazy Nairobian jana:

Announcement for New Degree course B.Sc (Drinking)

The University Of Nairobi has announced the introduction of a brand new degree course, B.Sc (Drinking), which will be offered through local pubs and restaurants at very affordable fees. Details for the new course as availed to the press are as follows;

1) The lessons will be taken during weekends and Friday evening at any Pub, restaurant or other outlet with relevant course materials subject to the Mututho Law.

2) Before taking any of the hard courses, all students are required to undertake introductory courses like Nyama Choma 106, Eat At Your Mothers House 107, Supu Na Ulimi 108 or Kudoea Kwa Neighbor 110.

3) Core courses include WD 101 (Weekend drinking 101) and the difficult Nursing Hangovers 102. For those who find these courses a little tough, Pucking 103 will be offered in Lecture Room LOO A and LOO B.

4) Those who take Pucking 103 away from these venues might enjoy Vibare 606 or Makumbo 702 for free from other Lecturers on duty like Prof Bouncer, Dr Makanga and the very thorough Prof Members Ole Public.

5) All students are required to have all relevant course materials including Sufficient bottles of beer, Nyama choma, cigarrettes (optional) and pocket money for personal use during the course. PLEASE, DO NOT ATTEND WITHOUT RELEVANT MATERIALS HOPING TO SHARE OR STEAL!

6) Female students found trying to issue sexual favours for better grades will be punished by being forced to take Mpango wa kando 201 or chips Funga 202 courses after classes.

7) Items deemed illegal in the lecture hall include Alvaro, assorted sodas and mineral water. Students caught with these items in the lecture room will be kicked out! Class Prefects including Mr. Waiter and Miss Waitress will be on the look out for such.

8) Students hoping to improve their grades are welcome for remedial classes every during weekdays. Extra charges will apply.

9) While the outlets offering these services will strive to provide materials for neccesary for the course completion like tables, chairs and lab materials like glasses and plates, the materials may not be enough depending on the time of month. Students are thus adviced to report early to avoid disappointments.

10) ALL students who want to take home-learning courses are adviced to collect the books, SIX-PACK by Tusker, Pilsner or Redds, Viceroy – A case study of Alcohol content 40%, ZAPPA – watch your shit go red, and other relevant course books and materials as listed in the local notice board in any supermarket under ALCOHOLIC DRINKS.

11) Parallel Degree Programs for those with low grades and lots of money will be offered at special outlets like Hilton, 680 hotel, SERENA and Panafric Hotel. More outlets will be announced soon. Please not Chang’aa 501, Busaa 502, Keg 503 and Muratina 504 are strictly NOT offered under the parallel degree program.

DISCLAIMER:

a) University of Nairobi will not be liable for physical and financial damages or time-loss incurred by any students who report to the wrong lecture halls especially classes that offer courses like Policemen 404, Ngeta 602 and Mdudu 609 and Mututho 202.

b) The University recommends all students carry one BF or GF to class depending on preferences. Students who fail to do this are required to drop the course, Game-Yako-Iko-Down 909, if they wish to avoid taking loneliness 901 in the lecture rooms. …

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2011 in 254, Humour, Reflections, twitter, weekend

 

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@campmulla

I had their tracks on loop all weekend,lupe <my i pod>,must have been tired of playing em back to back,or it got addicted to playing A-D-D-I-C-T-E-D.Any who ladies and gentlemen,tweeps and tweephearts..allow  me to sing out my praises to my new best group…campmulla

campmulla

Camp Mulla is a Kenyan Rap Group founded by rappers Taio Tripper, Young Kass, Super-Producer K’Cous and their syndicate C.E.O, Tuchi. Other band Members include Miss.Karun, the First Lady and J-smiles who are superb vocalists. Camp Mulla’s main goal is to spread Urban Hip Hop music influence all Over East Africa and soon Globally.

I remember seeing this group last year at WAPI and shrugging em off as just another group,but bwoy was i wrong..despite their age(Ihear the oldest be 20-youngest be 17  ),they got flow from here to Timbuktu.They call their music (2-5-flow) ,they specialize in hip hop<am biased like that > , but have recently began branching out into different genres ranging from House/Electro, to R&B.

There is this one track called beat box by young kass,colli bop,prospekt that just killed it for me<download here>,there is this line where they say they off to get that money like a serogate mum that got me on my feet ,not to mention the dope beats..

You can check out their <website here>

You can download some of their <tracks here>

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2011 in 254, music, weekend

 

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