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The dog ate my post.

The dog ate my last post,seriously,you guys haven’t been wondering where my writing went, ama you thought i was one of those one hit wonder blogs, no am still trying to keep you thrilled.After my brief stint in court am back.

Now let me see what has happened since i last bloooged….

ooh how could i have forgotten,my birthday was on wednesday,a bratha turned a year older,so how old am i now?

Assume my former age was X then in all honesty my current age is X+1.Does that satisfy your curiosity!!!

For once my birthday was at home,wasn’t in campo as is the norm,so you know what this meant,no contra bun could be used so am comfortably saying this hoping mum would see this,his Little boy not on Drugs. Just for the record i have postponed the bash to sato,Wednesday having been an office day,and yes booze will be served,but the proximity to a petrol station is not guaranteed so make sure you don’t ride on an empty moti….and for you contra bun fanatics of mine,make sure you bring air freshener

so you can rest assured my Sunday blog will have all the dirt that went down

“It’s been what? a week” someone at work asked me  today

Okay its been 9 days am keeping my cool @ work studying everyone and everything, why you may wonder,I want to know who to fear  who wants respect, who wants to be avoided, who wants those early morning  greetings “bwana asifiwe ” style, which interns to Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on May 7, 2011 in INTERNSHIP, Uncategorized

 

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Jaymo vs the groupie,hater and snitch.

The series in Question you may ask?

boston_legal

JAYMO vs OPPOSING COUNCIL.

In the case of  loyal followers vs akajaymo in the matter of the fore mentioned ab scorning his blog for several days,how does the defendant plead?

“not Guilty your honor”

“Will the opposing council call their first witness to the stand”

“we  call to the stand Groupie1”

OPPOSING COUNCIL: Please tell the court your name and your relationship with the defendant then give your story.

GROUPIE1: My name is Groupie and just like my name states am akajaymo’s number 1 groupie. Now the reason am on this stand today is coz    this nyga  right here has been snobbish to me like i don’t  exist and has even changed numbers on me,what nerve.

matter of fact since he started blogging he hasn’t had time for me,i rarely see him outside anymore and every time we talk he jolts away faking some wave of brilliance,you should hear him talk “Groupie baadaye, nimepata inspiration ya post  mazee”

I mean if that aint  snobbing,then what is??He even went as far as telling me he would leave his blog for me,and i believed it since the last few days we have been with him,no writing,no waves of briliance,just me and him. Till yesterday when he left me and i havent seen that lying bastard since

OPPOSING COUNCIL: let the record show that the lying bastard is  akajaymo.Who categorically  abscorned his blog to be with groupie.You may have your seat Groupie1.

we call to the stand hater1.

Please tell the court your name and your relationship with the defendant then give your story.

HATER1: (in a deep american accent)YO!! my name be Hater,with a capital H coz i hate on all yall fake thuging nygas nahmean.Now this nyga right here,this nyga right here! this nyga be a fake nyga, he be all up on my shyt,talking like he got samthing to say.Matter of fact i aint snitching,c0z yall know real nygas as myself dont snitch but i heard him bitching bout how he aint got no more creative juice left in him.How he thinking of just endin it all,and i was like i told yall  nygas he cant write.only thing he can write is the alphabet,and he need help withthat too.Nyga u aint malcom-x with your revolutionary speech….what!!

OPPOSING COUNCIL:
let the record show that akajaymo ab scorned his blog because and i quote no more Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

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Me,Martin &Opium accusations.

“You were using bhang and opium, and when the security knocked at the door you refused to open”

I look at Marto,the the security guy (lets call him Mr.K) continues to Rumble ,”Najua mnatumia madawa ya kulevia,naongea na nyinyi kama mzazi,niko na watoto,kwanza ule wa mwisho ni wa 1985,mzee ata zaidi yenu”

Marto begins getting defensive,”mimi ata pombe situmii”, Mr.K snaps “Mnafikiria sijui” “Mkubwa ata opium sijawai ona!”

I manage to mumble. “Itikieni, the campus will offer you counseling ata kuna mwingine wa cocaine anatibiwa” He picks up the phone calling the dean of students to drive his point home,” Dean, ule kijana wa cocaine anaendelea aje………….”

drugs_bunny

How did we get here you may ask! Let me take you 2 weeks down memory lane

It’s a new semester, actually a new academic year ,third year ,Just after reporting back to campus me and Marto decided to throw a bash, a house warming bash actually since we are now living in our own house –servant quarters actually-with house mates not some lousy hostel with a hundred an one neighbors.

Well the troops are quickly rallied and by the troops I mean The Crew, plans are put in motion.

The plot:20 liters of Bangara –Bangara is like some tribal booze that coastal people drink, similar to Mnazi  -Smirnoff blue label, red label, K.K. and of course Jamaican brand riffa.

Location: C9-O2

Crowd: strictly jammas, no chics no gatecrashers.

So duties are quickly delegated, the Mnazi suppliers, the real alcohol suppliers, the weed and finally the K.K. (Kenya king). No mention of who was to supply what will be made here for fear of the snitches-yes JKUAT has trained snitches.

At around 1pm the Mnazi crew leaves the campus, promptly followed by the weed crew. Am still at campo when they come back heaving, apparently carrying 20 liters is no small fit.

What we were later to find out is that campus security was hot on their heels. Apparently they think petrol is being smuggled into campus, a strike maybe!

After evasion tactics around school, the Mnazi is safe and sound, in a cool dry place. We can rest easy.

“Niaje gauge imefika” Mogaka asks “iko salama, blue label niaje?”I inquire “njiani boss,twajaa”

Adrenalin rush! Can’t wait to get high…but first I head for the mess because it’s now heading 6:00pm.

Ugali, beef and Veg later am back to the crib: Time to freshen up.

At around 7.30 everyone gathers at our crib, (for some reason c9-02 is the favored location for its proximity to where the Mnazi has been stashed)

Cups are handed out and the merry making commences. Stories are traded some of which am sure are fake, like the one Mogaka is telling us about……..I’ll tell you the story another day.

“Leta Ngwai hi pombe haipandi,mlitoa wapi?” people want to get stoned.

The contra bun is produced, the doors locked, windows to, match box in hand the first joint is lit. puff!puff! pass is the rule.

The second joint, Puff Puff pass…. Third, the laughter kicks in, veins are vesodilated, eyes are popping out. Fourth joint…..knock! Knock!

We ignore The knock turns into a bang and some words are mumbled…..

I don’t remember who opened the door but the next thing I saw was 4 guys wearing menacing faces storming in. If this was a movie am guessing this would be the climax, the part where the sound track is some fast paced tune…..

“Nani mwenye hii nyumba?” I look at Marto, “mimi” he retorts.

“Una ishi na nani?” ,“mimi’’ I reply

“tokeni nje” now you would expect the guys in the house would cook up some plot to have the security jamaas go  au contraire mon ami, quite the contrary. Someone grabs the bottle in my hand as I walk out an mumbles something I cannot understand, what with the adrenalin rush am experiencing

“Mna fanya nini huko ndani?”

“ka party kadogo,ata hatu pigi kelele, na 10pm bado” I somehow mange to say.

“Nini mnavuta”

“sigara” Marto jumps in

“leteni ID zenu twende tukaandike statment”

Marto begins to pleed, I swear I have lived with Marto but I have never had him beg like this “Tafathali boss!Tafathali boss! ”

marto pleading

“Okay kama mme kataa sawa….msipige kelele mingi basi” They leave and we assume that’s the end of that!

Back in the crib guys is still drinking, the contra bun has however been discretely hidden. A couple of shots later the story has completely been forgotten and we drink the night away till the wee hours of the morning when we finally retire to bed.

A day passes, 2 days 5 days a week and we have not heard anything from the campus security. We assume the water has passed under the bridge.

We curry on with our lives like it never happened.

Till 2 weeks later we get a call from the security office

“Are you Martin? Please report to the security office”, “okay”

Next to ring was my phone, same conversation same response.

So here we sit, allegations of how we use opium being thrown at us. How we are suspected of being crack addicts and mandatory counseling is the only thing that will save us.

We somehow managed to convince the security boss that our drug use was fictional, evidence to implicate us being absent. We were lucky, the case is dropped for lack of evidence and akajaymo and his partner in crime live to see another semester.

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2011 in Humour, MEMORIES., Uncategorized

 

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Flashforward:Letter to first year Jaymo.

flash_forward

FlashForward is constructed around a high concept narrative where a mysterious event has caused nearly everyone on the planet to simultaneously lose consciousness for 137 seconds, during which time people see what appears to be a vision of their own life approximately six months in the future: a global “flashforward”.

Well let me do the reverse and send the younger Jaymo a flashfoward into his future.Let me send him a letter,and give him an insight into the man he will become.

Dear 1st year Jaymo,

writing-letter

Am guessing you will shrug of this letter,your attitude is at it peak by now,don’t worry 3 years down the road that will not change.I know  you cannot get enough of campus and you have switched from fanta to naps.That will soon change…keroche is working on a secret potion.

You and Google are falling in love,don’t worry that will not change much,in fact over the next years you will learn half of what you know via the search engine.

Obsession with facebook is at its peak,you have stopped blogging for  this reason,mum is on your case because your internet expenditure is at its highest,don’t worry wi-fi is going to be set up soon and you will spend hours on end surfing and downloading.

A certain girl called Stella  will walk in your life.No you and her will not groove but you will have a magical friendship that will raise eyebrows from chics and fellas alike.Ignore them,the rumours to.

The trio will be born! The random three:Jaymo,Marto and Stella.

On a lighter note,you will find a chic,the flip side is you will grove for 8 months with her after which you will break up…and months later she will be a baby mama!

No its not your kid but your friendship with her will still be tight.

Marto and you will get into trouble a couple of times,statements at the campus security office will be written,cell mta lala…just to name somethings,Your current friends will all get pissed by your arrogance,so tone down on that.

The Guitar…..YES that guitar next to you,every thing points to you learning the instrument,but you will not.Hip hop is still your first love and all this years in the future you will still attend WAPI but they have moved it from the British council to Sarakasi Dome….yes i know that sucks.

All those A’s your transcript has will go on decreasing! No supplementary exam yet but you got more C’s than you can count.The good thing is your whole class is flopping,what did you expect taking Mathematics and Computer Science.

Movies and Series will consume most of your adult life,so much so that in the future you are blogging using the series you have been watching

Animation is your thing,They are still airing Family Guy,The Boondocks is over lakini….the animation they are making now days is crazy. Despicable me will thrill you

Life is going to be full of ups and downs, mostly ups. So just sit back, and enjoy being in campo.Save your money because you will hemorrhage all your chums in Mombasa in your second year,you will bribe cops severely and gold digging mama’s will be on your case

ps .As i right this Osama has been killed and no he wasn’t in a cave.

Yours sincerely Jaymo,

the campo finalist

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2011 in MEMORIES., Uncategorized

 

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