That which they call “The FriendZone”

There are three things I have little knowledge over these days….the first being this awful Nairobi weather , the second being chics and the third….well there is no third really. Jana proved me right on the rain part…having had to jav home at some un Godly hours….I fikad kwa hao Drenched…..soaking  from head to toe only to find that KPLC had chosen jana off all the days to switch of the mains…I had to endure 45 minutes of darkness before the lights were back and I could at-least enjoy the comforts of modern technology *read shower,charged phone*

Anyhu…..back to the matter at hand….the second one got proved today…I am an avid fan of Japanese Anime and Manga (aren’t all geeks really) and there is this one chic called Yuriko Shinonome who really amazes me, well any Guy who has watched  Eiken Manga will tell you that Yuriko can get it (except for the fact that she has an A cup**silicone baba**). She not only openly confesses that she likes Densuke but also constantly makes amorous advances towards him,hakuna cha friendzone na huyu dame.More here>>> Haya sasa najua kuna watu wako nje…so let me direct them back. …My problem is that the average Kenyan mama will never be like Yuriko (Atleast the ones I have met).

“Sasa Jaymo si basi utu explainie”..Gladly….well my qualm with chics is a purgatory that they created called the friendzone….I use purgatory here since the unlucky recipients have no Idea whether they are in heaven (read getting some 24/7) or Hell ( napenda vazelin). As defined by Urban Dictionary, the Friend Zone is: “What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, ‘You’re such a good friend.’ Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another.”

The reason the friend zone pisses me is women are apparently under no obligation to return romantic feelings for a man and the existence of a “friend zone” that they themselves created proves this. A man claiming to be “friend zoned” by a girl suggests that the only reason he was nice to her in the first place was for the potential of sex — and once she makes it clear that she isn’t interested in having sex with him, he gets the second place trophy of her dumb friendship.

Guys who are friend zoned are often the jamaas who think that if they had tried harder they could have won her over. These men view women as pretty sparkly prizes with vaginas forgetting that they can win ‘one of their own ‘  if they are just patient and nice enough and avoid the friend zone. Becoming friends with a girl is what men get after they fail at getting a little bit of something something (read ngwati). It’s their consolation prize. Yaani wewe ni second best.

It’s always the Nice Guys getting friend zoned. A Nice Guy would argue that he gets friend zoned because all women want are men who treat mama’s like shit,ohh sijui msee ana six pack na ni mtall. How many times have you heard a guy say that women only date “bad boys” and he’s single sijui because no woman appreciates how god damn NICE he is? “Mimi ni chali mpoa ni vile madame hawajuangi”  I wish I had a thao for every time I heard that. Actually I wish I had a 1 acrer piece of land  for every time av heard jamaas say something like that  nikiwa karibu because if I’m going to get rich from Bull shit I might as well get Uhuru Kenyatta rich.

This also suggests that there are only two types of men out there: nice guys and assholes. Of course, these Nice Guys aren’t nice at all! They’re just incredibly entitled: a Nice Guy thinks if he puts in the effort to be friends and listens to a girl talk about her relationships, then she owes him sex. If she doesn’t want to have sex with him, she’s a bitch. If he never talks to her about how he feels or she rejects him, he was Friend Zoned. There is no situation where the woman isn’t a shitty person for not wanting to sleep with him.

So ladies and Gentlemen that’s why I never use the term friend zone, I prefer to use the term “benched” Instead of Friend Zoned. Just like a soccer player…si ati hajaiva game…ni simply that kuna msee mwingine anaweza endelea kwenye he was…au ameanza kuchoka.

And as such I end this blog with the words “I think Jaymo just got benched today morning”